Getting off the rollercoaster ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Getting off the rollercoaster ...
12
Fri, 11-21-2003 - 11:15am
and ending EMA. Emailed MM yesterday. I can't take not knowing where I stand w/ MM. EMA is almost 2 years and my love has only grown more for this man than I can handle. We've been alternating FWBs/FWOBs. He's not the affectionate one; I am. He used to call every day, going from calling me "my love" to calling me "my buddy". He says we have a "forever kinda thing" and when he says he loves me he adds "as a friend". He still calls, about every other day and we see eachother about one a week or once every two weeks. What is getting to me is that it seems like I'm the one initiating our get togethers and I feel I need to back off and give us both some space. Heck, on Monday we were together and everything seemed so "right". Were supposed to get together Tuesday and nothing, Tuesday or Wednesday. I just don't feel like I'm a priority in his life. Maybe I am and he's just not saying or showing it. I told him we'll always be friends, but that's it. And even as friends, it will have to be after some time passes. I feel that I need to get him out of my system. Even tho I don't want to.

I feel that I'm risking a lot to be with him. I would be with him and take the risk if I knew I had his love and that he really loved me, and not just as a friend. I don't want him to leave his W nor do I have any plans to leave DH. I love both men, MM more, of course. Been married over 20 years and it would hurt too many people. He has 2 small kids that he's extremely close with. So I am taking huge risks for this MM. He is doing the same but for what?

I believe that if you're going to take risks what you're getting in exchange better be worth the thing being risked. I value MM and weighed this out before I jumped in knowing full well that if caught it'd better be worth it. And it was and has been. But I don't feel that he has the same values. Maybe men in general don't. At least that's how I see it in my MM. He's in this EMA and if caught I don't feel like he'd view me as being worth what he's risking. And that hurts. Besides, I'm worth more than that. So, I guess I'll join Xterra on the "other" board.

Hugs and best wishes to all

Who knows ... maybe thing will change and maybe I'll be back on the ride of my life. I said I'd end things when the pain outweighed the pleasure. My "mistake" was falling in love with this man when he's not in love with me and that's why I feel this way.

Luvin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 1:14pm
wow member, you've have so much anger for someone so young and inexperienced. but you're entitled to your opinions, judgments and thoughts.

why don't you try to understand that your parents are both to blame for a bad marriage. it takes two to make a marriage. and so what, because your father strayed, now he's a bad father? what revisionist history!! after 26 years, there are bound to be good parts and bad parts to every marriage. he stayed with your mom and your mom knew what he was doing on the side but never said a word until now and then dragged you into it as well. what purpose did that little drama serve? to piss you off and make you mad at your dad?? you should be mad at your mom too!

i've been there too with my family too, but i certainly didn't act like a bitter baby when i found out -- after all it wasn't my marriage, it was my parents' marriage and they had to deal with the consequences. as a grown person, you should butt out and let them work on their relationship/marriage.

sorry for the harsh words, but i don't understand why you think everything is black and white in relationships that involve human beings. no one can judge any person until they have walked in their shoes, even your father!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 1:16pm
nice post, disgusted (appropriate name too!) why don't you throw out the trash....!

gurl

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