Giving more than you get ???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Giving more than you get ???
2
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 1:39pm
I left my husband of 17 yrs and a distant relationship for a man I have now been dating for 1 1/2 yrs it started out as an affair,
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 3:09pm

you indeed have challenges ahead of you, don't you?

that you have said you'd move in the past shouldn't affect your decisions now. things change and your perspective changes. to me, there is nothing wrong there.

you are both approaching the situation similarly, in terms of the welfare of the children. he may look like he's being selfish to you, but he's thinking of his children, and so are you.

the challenge is just the nature of where you both are in your lives. no one is to blame. this is quite a typical challenge in situations like this.

riding it out is one way, probably the only safe choice you have. you do have it to make it clear to him that unless he changes his mind, what you have is what you can only have. don't find fault at him though, just tell him where you are coming from and that you understand and that both of you are at places where the welfare of the family trumps all else, which is an honorable position for both of you.

in the meantime, as time goes by and his kids gets closer to you, and find a safe home at your place, he will see this and then maybe start thinking along your way of thinking as this will also benefit his kids. until then, there is not much you can really do.

good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 3:28pm

Thank you for your post, You are right... I worry a bit about saying something now before he gets to see for himself as time goes by what it would be like for his kids , I get nervous also because I would be willing to go to him if things were different and who knows in a couple yrs maybe they will be. Its so stressful and I dont want to lose him, I guess I am afraid of his answer because I love him so much. My friends tell me that if he really is the man I think he is then he will understand and now walk away. Its so hard to take things day by day when you want to spend your life with someone that is 2 hrs away :(