God Puts People in Our Lives

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
God Puts People in Our Lives
20
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 3:06pm

Most of you here you know my story. I have been w/ AP this time over a year. We have a child together, and he said he was leaving her in March, after missing his initial December deadline.

Well, AP called me this Wednesday passed, and told me that he wanted to come over and go over a few things, give me a few credit cards, access to his bank accounts, and a key to his new place. To say that I was thrilled beyond measure, was putting it lightly. I have waited 8 yrs. for this, and finally it was here. It was as every bit as sweet as I had hoped. I was SO high.

Fast forward to V-day. We had plans to be together, and he swore that he would make it. I told him that for me, this is as important to as my B-day. So, after much reassurance that he would come, I went and got ready.

About 50 minutes before we were suppose to meet, he calls, and says that she cooked him a big dinner, and he didn't think he could get away. I was so hurt. I just couldn't comprehend why if he was leaving, he still felt compelled to stay there. So, I zapped out. I had this huge hole in my heart that felt like a blackhole that was going to suck me down in it. I was in agony. Just days ago everything was perfect, and now it was over. It was too much for me to take.

Then I went to work, and my friend could tell that I wasn't my normal happy self, and inquired as to what was up. I told him what happened, and he said something that was so profoundly simplistic that it rocked my world. It was as if he had awaken me from a long sleep, and the nightmare was over.

All he said was "If you want to know where a man's heart lays then just look and see where he spends his holidays." I don't know why, but that just did it for me. All of a sudden, I could see it all. The lies, the manipulation, being used, every thing. I had an epiphany!

I can not tell you how free I feel. I'm no longer a slave to his love, and the main reason is that it doesn't exist. I believed that he didn't love her, and was just feeling obligated. I know NOW that that is a LIE. I do know this, and it's that he doesn't love me, probably never did. I am just so grateful for a kind person in my life that wanted to cheer me up. I don't think that he could have ever guessed that his simple statement would have such a profound effect on my life. He could not have ever known that God was using him to set me free, because I couldn't do it myself.

God, how I wish I could give those of you in my same circumstances or something similar what I now have. I am free after 8 yrs. of captivity, I AM FREE!!! It's the most wonderful thing. I'm not saying that I won't miss him, and that I don't love him w/ ALL my heart, because I do, but I can say that I feel like I can get out this time, and go on w/ my life.

I'm sorry this was so long. I just had to share. Much love to you all.

Justice

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 4:48pm

Oh, Justice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 5:09pm

This is why I question how they can swear up and down that they love you and then turn around and be incredibly cruel! 8-years this guy has been 'gaslighting" you.

I'm happy to see you finally had your awakening. Your friend is 110% right about where men spend their holidays. It's with the ones they love and wants to grow old with. I'm sure he'll come sniffing around you once he thinks the dusts has settled. I hope you tell him to go to hell.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com


"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."


- Ramona L. Anderson
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 5:14pm

Justice....

I am really glad that you have had this epiphany. What I don't understand, though, is why you didn't have it long before this, considering your coworker didn't say anything to you that hasn't been said by multiple people on this board multiple times over the last few months. I mean, seriously. I, myself, have said the same thing and more to you. Is it because it came from a man? I'm just really curious about that. But, regardless, I am so happy for you to have had this moment. I will say, though, that I hope the feeling sticks because I have no doubt that he will again try to keep you reeled in. You don't say whether he actually did come over last Wed. and bring those things, you just say he called and wanted to. With that in mind, if he didn't come, I wonder if he really even has those things...i.e. credit cards and a new place, or if he was just saying that to appease you, to make you think he was on his way out in two weeks while trying to come up with his next excuse.

I agree with you 100%. If he was ready to leave, why stay for a Valentine's dinner with the wife? In fact, why let her even cook one? I mean, come on. After all the false starts, all the promises to you (broken), all of the rhetoric, it is clear that there are only two possibilities going on with him. Either he still wants to be with her or he is an extreme emotional coward. Can't be any other possible explanation. Especially one of the nature that he has to "get his affairs in order". Oh B.S. What a bunch of hogwash that is. He's had months and months and months to do that. Deadline after deadline being extended. So he either does love her or he's just too weak of a man to follow through. Either way....why be with him? Do you really want a man that is so weak that he can't end a marriage he claims to not be happy in, especially since they have no children to consider. Especially since he does have a child to consider....the one he has with you. I don't know him, so it's hard to say, but my suspicion is that he does still love her. Which would account for why he's still there, in fact why he went back to her in the first place. Yes, I know you had your problems. If I remember correctly, you became addicted to some pain meds you were taking. Ok, not good, but hello....you're not on them anymore. He had left his wife, he had a child with you, he supposedly loved you...is your suffering from an addiction a reason to go running back to a wife he supposedly didn't want to be with anymore? Without giving you a chance to go through rehab or whatnot and THEN see? No matter what went down between the two of you, I can't see any reason why someone would go back to someone they claimed to not love or want to be with after they've made the break unless they weren't being 100% honest about their true feelings towards that person.

My hope for you is that your current convictions stick and that you finally put him where he belongs....out of your life other than as your son's father.

Peace to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 6:13pm

Sillyme, one reason she probably didn't realize this before now is because she had people like me in the sidelines cheering her on... cheering them on.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2008
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 6:53pm

Hi Justice,


I'm really sorry to hear about your ruined Valentine's Day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 11:00pm

I don't know her like you do, but I know how much she has been through in following her posts and her story. I believe in her, wholeheartedly (you, if you're reading this Justice!). I think she is a very strong and intelligent woman. But I don't believe in him. Sorry to say. I'm sick to death of him, and I'm not even with him, you know? He had a deadline in December, but told her, what, in October that it was going to be sooner, but didn't happen. Then December came, and it didn't happen, now March is fast approaching, and he's blowing her off for dinner with the wife he claims to not want to be with anymore. How much is she to take? I mean, Valentine's Day is about LOVE. You're supposed to spend it with the one you LOVE. He's supposedly leaving her, and he blows Justice off to have dinner with his wife. That's just lousy. I think he's a real putz. I mean, he left her when she was at her lowest...struggling with an addiction to pain meds, which, by the way, are very addicting and many people end up addicted to. He should have stuck by her side and encouraged her and helped her to overcome that. He didn't. He ran back to the wife. I would have more respect for him if he broke it off with her but didn't run back. But he did. Now he's stringing her along. I don't care how nice he is or whatever. He's stringing her along in that he continues to be involved with his wife on whatever level. Make a choice, pal. Her or Justice. Plain and simple. And then stick with it. He is hurting both these women. The wife in that if he doesn't love her and is carrying on with Justice, he needs to let her go so that she can find someone who will love her like she deserves. Justice in that he keeps promising her things and not following through.

Mostly....Justice...I want you to be happy.

That being said...Obxbell, you rock! Love your feedback, your attitude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 12:41am

Thank you Justice...


You know its so true what your friend said, but on the other hand each person's situation is different.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 12:58am
guys you have to remember they are married and their real lives, wives, kids, will come first. if you can accept it for what the situation is, just an affair you will be much happier, and not have any unrealistic expectations or get upset when things get canceled. i'm at peace with that now. i don't get upset when things get canceled, there's always another day and time.an affair is not a relationship, and most on here are trying to treat it as such. this is why you hurt. have fun with it. enjoy it for what it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 8:34am

((HUG))


that was a big warm hug for you...blue is a warm color


"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 9:01am
{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}} hugs, Justice. I am new here and do not know all of your past history so it is hard for me to chime in with an opinion. Just wanted you to know that I am sorry this has happened for you. I can imagine how much more difficult it will be having a child involved. Keep your chin up, be proud, be strong. Good luck to you.

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