Going from Girlfriend to OW...
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| Tue, 03-09-2010 - 2:00pm |
I am so glad this board is here. My life has just been turned upside down. I just found out that my bf of two years is allowing his parents to set up an arranged marriage. WTH...is this not 2010!!! I understand different cultures still practice this but he lives here in the US. Any way, if he told his parent no he would be disowned and he can not live with the guilt.
This is the first time in my life I have unconditional love for someone. I am right now trying to figure out if I should walk away or become the OW. Or if I should continue to see him until I find my "Mr. Right".
Anyway a little back ground on me is that I'm 30 and I'm Divorced. Married very young and was never "in love" with my ex H. I have dated a MM before so I know all the ups and downs.

I feel badly for you. Your boyfriend should have been upfront with this from the beginning - he had to have known his parents were going to go that route from when he was small. Did you ever meet his parents?
I would say that if he doesn't want to buck tradition now, he won't ever be able to do so. If you want to spend your life in the shadows of his life, then go ahead and continue the relationship. Maybe in his "tradition" it's common for the men in arranged marriages to have a "mistress". But you know you'll never come first. I'm sure kids with his wife will be expected in his tradition, and once that happens you have to imagine how you're going to feel. If you think it will be enough for you, you can try, but really REALLY think about it.
As hard as it would be, I would recommend that you tell him if he does marry someone else, it's over for the two of you - and then stick to your word. It's tragic, it's an age old story, ("forbidden" love) but if he REALLY loves you he'll buck tradition. As much as he thinks his parents would disown him, I agree it's a possibility but not a certainty. Both of you should think about what you want to do with the rest of your life!
You've got a lot of choices. I
Thank you for your opinions. I agree that he should have told me from the start that we would never marry. At least give me the option to make up my mind if I want to pursue a relationship.
All I can do now is figure out what my next move will be. I feel devastated but a small part of me doesn't want to argue with reality. It is what it is and I always had doubts regarding marrying him. Now that I have put much thought into it. This might be a blessing in disguise. I have a child and I really want to focus on my career. I might not want anymore kids. I just don't know what I want right now.
Sorry for the rambling I'm just thinking out loud. I think the best thing for me to do is slowly let him go and look for a man that is more compatible with me.