Going though the motions

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Going though the motions
2
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 2:00pm
I think my AP is sometimes the most clueless human being on the planet. I have been stricken with a big dose of indifference in the last week, stemming from a comment he made over the weekend, when I was upset that AGAIN our plans fell through. Something to the effect of "don't do this to me" when I was getting ready to go home and how upset I was was showing. I was angry then. And after stewing for a week, I am just generally disappointed in how he is often so unwilling to accept responsibility for how his actions affect me. The number of times I have heard "you are entitled to your feelings" when I express how something he has done has hurt me ... it just drives me nuts and feels extremely dismissive and quite a lot like deflecting the real issue. And here's the thing, for the last week, I have not called him in the morning, like I usually do. I have dropped off the radar a bit in communication, and dang it, I don't think he is getting that something is wrong. I'm not playing "I'll show you" games or anything, it's just that I don't really care whether I talk to him or not. Anyway, I'm going through the motions, to some degree, in the hopes that we can work past this and have a conversastion this weekend, but I am more than a bit distressed about the whole situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 2:58pm

Hi Open,


There is a saying...when the pain out weighs the pleasure it is time to get out. If you truly do not care about speaking to him maybe it is time to end it. It sounds like while your AP is saying the right things, he is not backing it up by changing his actions. If he has not even noticed that he is not talking to you as often then I think he just does not pay attention. As long as you let him contiune to act this way he will I hope that you get a talk together this weekend.







Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 3:26pm

Amen to that. I am not really sure whether he is clueless because he is a jerk or clueless because he's just being a typical guy who lives by the mantra, if it's not yelling or crying, it must be OK. And to his credit, he did notice that I was not calling. He made it a point to say something about it. I just didn't offer any explanation, because ... well because I didn't feel like it, sort of like how I didn't feel like calling. "I just said, 'you're right. I didn't call this morning.'"

I ask him to give me the benefit of the doubt on all things, so I suppose it is fair that I do the same for him until I have a chance to talk to him. I think, for the most part, I'm just plain tired of being in an A. It is draining. I want to be able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Otherwise, it's just not worth it, no matter how much I love him.