good girl gone bad?
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good girl gone bad?
| Thu, 09-04-2003 - 10:03pm |
i have always had issue with sex in my marriage, but i was willing to let it all go, cause i love him and we are good together. however after a really bad fight he said i was frigid, sucked in bed, and he coudn't stand having sex with me. needless to say i was devasted. i went away and when i got back we talked a lot, he said he was just trying to hurt me and did not mean it. we appeared to be making progress. but i had lost my sex drive and needed to re discover myself. i really wanted to have an a, but i was sure i would fall in love and end up heartbroken, so i decided to live out my s fantasies instead. i slept with my freind and her husband and a month later slept with the same freind and another guy. my h has just found out and has hit the roof. i don't know how to handle it. he says we should just have an open relationship and he is going to do what he wants from now on. he is convinced i'm a slut, and that is the real me and that i'm in denial. he is bitter, very disppointed, he says he put me on a pedastel and wished he had realised what a whore i am. the truth is i am struggling with sexual insecurity as a result of a decresed libido and the insults he threw at me. when he found out yesterday i was sad and felt terrible for hurting him, but now i'm just mad. he is coming home tommorrow and i dont know how to play it. any advice. btw i had never had a 3some before this encounter

It sounds to me like you have a lot of
issues between the two of you to work out.
On the one hand, I can certainly understand
how your desire for this man might not be all
it could be.
On the other hand, you state yourself that
you are suffering from a diminished sex drive.
There are a lot of things that can cause this,
I suggest you talk to a doctor first, just to
see if the hormones are all they should be and
such.
Assuming this works out, then the personal
issues between you two need to be addressed. A
counselor might do wonders, and might teach hubby
some tact.
It is interesting that you went from cold and frigid
to a slut in the space of a month or so. You didn't
say how the threesome went. If you were satisfied
and satisfying, I would say you have no problems
with sexuality in the general sense. You may have
personal issues that prevent this level of intimacy
with your H. If he would like to enjoy the wilder
you, he should treat you better. He doesn't sound
open minded enough to see this though.
I would like to think the threesome was not a
vindictive act of revenge on your part.
As for his return, I would tell him how you feel, the
problems you feel you are dealing with, and ask him
to help. It might be a watershed, I have no idea what
he will say. I hate to say it, but he seems more
interested in hurting you than working things out.
I think if you retain your anger, however justified, it
will only engender more anger. One of you needs to get
past the anger, and it might have to be you. You did
say you love him.
You have every right to your feelings and reactions, and
should be prepared to clearly tell your H how you feel
and why. This should include how you feel about him, sex
with him, and the threesome. I would normally never suggest
discussing the A with him, but since he knows, I am sure
the topic will come up again. Be prepared for it.
A divorce may be coming your way, I don't know. It might
not be out of place to devote some time to thinking about
that possibility and how you would best deal with it.
Good luck to you, let us know how it goes.
ditr
Edited 9/5/2003 10:02:26 PM ET by desertintherain