Good time for a "roll call"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Good time for a "roll call"
52
Mon, 09-27-2010 - 8:32am

For one thing, we've lost some posters and gained some posters lately. It's a good time to remind everyone of our stories.

And secondly, if we're going to have a few days of "read only", a roll call thread will be a good one to read! :-)

It would be especially nice if some lurkers jump in here with us and join our group.

I'm Lexi, and I'm the CL, or community leader, of MAS. I'm a MW involved with a single guy and we're coming up on our 12th anniversary soon. I'm in a very calm, smooth sort of A where there is little drama, lots of talking and friendship, and yeah, sex. This is not my first A, I have had 2 others previously. My first one was when I'd been married for 15 years, and it was a pretty intense love affair with a single guy. I broke that one off after about 1½ years because I honestly felt like I was holding him back from finding someone of his own. My second one was a "rebound" A to distract myself from ending the first, and he was single, and a total player/sociopath. That one was sort of off and on for 1½ years before I let it dwindle away and die. He actually kept coming back after that and I just said no way - in a gentle way, because you don't want to anger a sociopath. Sometimes I recognize people's APs here as sociopaths but it's so hard to convince anyone that that is the case - until it's too late and their lives are ruined. My present A is sort of FWB but we certainly have feelings for each other. I have many complicated reasons I stay with my OM now when I left my first single other guy because I felt I was "holding him back". In this case I would feel like I was abandoning my OM if I broke it off - it's just a different situation.

So jump in with your story - looking forward to reading it!

Proud to be a









You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull



Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 11:43pm

"Just curious, it seems that everyone here is married, aren't there any single or divorced girls out there in my boat? Any suggestions from those who have been there, I will certainly listen to."

well, well,well, let me jump in right here. i am glad you asked if there was any single woman or divorced girl in your position or those who have been there. i am a single woman who was involved with a mm years ago. I was involved with him for 10 years from i was 16 years old and ended it when i was 26. It was a very intense relationship and we loved each other very much. i knew him before i got involved with him as he knew my family. He expressed an interest in me but at the time of the expression of interest, i didn't know he was married. i heard afterwards that he was married from a friend of mine, who said his wife was terrible.

i said "his wife" and asked him about it. he said he thought i knew. yeah right as if i would get involved with him still if i had known before. anyway, it was a wonderful relationship and we fell deeply in love. he separated from his wife after 6 years and we continued our relationship with him being a separated mm. he was planning on filing for divorce but first had to deal with immigration papers for his children to another country.

I had to wait too long for him to file for divorce. first, the explanation was that he didn't have any money etc. until he told me when the papers for his children started filing. if he got the divorce first, there might be some difficulty as the childrens' papers would have to start over. so after 4 years of him being a separated mm, i left him. i became exhausted waiting on him to leave. he tried to get me back after i left him BUT HE STILL WAS NOT DIVORCED, so i didn't go back.

during the relationship, i tried to leave him two times and it was on the third attempt,(while he was separated) that i left him. the sex was excellent. i think if he didn't take so long to divorce, we would be married by now. he told me on 2 occasions sometime after he divorced that he still loved me, but when i returned his advances, i found out he was lying. cause i was saying that if we ended the relationship for so long,(HE told me this after we had ended it 6 and 8 years before), i don't know how on earth he could still love me after we had ended it so long before.

when he told me he still loved me, he already was involved with someone new. when i found out he was fooling me this time, i decided never to contact him again. he called me 3 yeas ago. i was not near the phone, but i knew it was him, but i didn't return the call. you see, because he had tried to fool me in telling me he still loved me and i found out it was not true, i stayed way from him. when he told me, he still loved me, i slowly started to fall in love with him again and when i saw that he was not interested, i had to get over him. so that's why i wanted no contact with him.

anyway, he finally got married to the person he is now involved with and a few members of my family saw him sometime ago.

it was a good relationship, but i must tell you, it was hard to leave him cause we loved each other so much. we truly loved each other. and i must say, it is only YOU AND YOU ALONE WHO CAN MAKE THE DECISION TO LEAVE. so no matter how much advice we give you, you will leave when you are ready, if things are not going to work out.

k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Thu, 09-30-2010 - 11:49pm
have you ever tried seeing someone else who is single? during my relationship with mm, i tried to see someone who was single, but found out that i was not attracted to anyone as much as i was attracted to mm. i forgot, i should say x-mm. couldn't find anyone who i had a spark with. i am now 43 years old. will be 44 in November, so x-mm and i relationship ended 18 years ago.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 12:25am
what a lot of people meet their affair partners on Facebook! can you imagine. i said sometime ago, but maybe on another board(singles board, i think which i go to often) that single women like myself and others can meet single men on facebook. (I hope). there are guys who you go to school with who you can possibly hook up with. Mark you, its still not easy cause many of them who you go to school with are married. but sometimes there are one or 2 divorced men, who might have an interest in you. but of course, thee has to be interest. i am hoping something like this can work for me.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 8:03am

Hi all...



well i am a lurker, have been reading here for quite awhile....then joined & only just now worked up the courage to post....



I am a MW (for just on 10years)...in a PA with a MM....we started texting...then more flirty texting & just sort of went from there have been going on for about 6 months.



I still don't know why I am having an affair, I have a great DH...but I guess something was missing...our affair is pretty much just physical & not alot of emotion attached which keeps it pretty much drama free...



Anyway now that I've been game enough to post I hope to contribute to more discussions on here... :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010
Fri, 10-01-2010 - 10:03am

hi lexione,

So, nice idea but from the paranoia perspective, not so great! I am stressed by the idea of cyber activity being traceable.

The boards are very very helpful to me: the honesty here is priceless. I get something out of everything I read, I can share openly about matters that are censured in every other part of my life. A's are a roller coaster, but everyone here helps me see how it evens out. The good times, the bad times, the deciding I've had enough for a while...it's all very classic and comforting in that it is so 'predictable'. It makes me feel more at ease with my reality.

Thanks for being CL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2010
Tue, 10-05-2010 - 11:34pm
You're right. It's a decision to leave, and it's a tough one to make most of the time. Lonliness is a tough emotion to live with, especially when you are being treated like a queen the times that you get with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2010
Tue, 10-05-2010 - 11:39pm
Yes I have dated single guys, but I live in a fairly small town, and it's tough to find someone out there when you are over 40. I know that I have fairly high expectations, and am working on defining my ideal man so that I can look for character traits that I may not have realized I want in a future partner. And, yes, I am very attracted to MM, so it is very difficult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Fri, 10-08-2010 - 8:42am

Hi, I was daisy.girl911 but since the board changes, I could not post or reply so I had to create a new profile..

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Fri, 10-08-2010 - 8:38pm
Daisey, we would've known you anywhere LOL. Really glad you found a way to get in.
Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Fri, 10-08-2010 - 8:39pm

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I