got a question...need advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
got a question...need advice...
3
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 8:00pm
hello there everyone. i am not the one who is in the affair, i swear, my friend is. i need some advice. i knew there was a board for this, so i just thought mabe i would ask you guys for some advice... so my friend has been married for almost 2 years now. she moved away, and has been very lonley. she and her husband work so many hours and they dont see each other a whole lot. well, recently, she has come to me with her problem. an "affair" (i say it in quotations, cause she doesn't think it really is an affair) but, i guess it is. she started talking to this guy she works with, and it started getting a little more serious. it hasn't turned sexual, yet, i hope it doesn't, but they have kissed a whole lot. they talk on the phone all the time, and cant get enough of each other...they stopped talking for like a month, but then started again. she explains this as she being "addicted" to him? she is so worried that she is such a bad person and thinks she is crazy. she loves her husband and has a great marriage, he is a great guy, but she thinks that she is just lonley, and this guy fills up her lonliness. so that is the short version of the story. i just am not sure what to tell her, how to help her? i want to try to tell her she isn't crazy, cause she is an awsome person, i just hate seeing her go through this. i am going to tell her about the board. but in the meantime...any advice? thanks so much!! i would appreciate it...
andrea :0)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 8:13pm
HI Blue

Your friend needs to have a heart to heart talk with her husband about how she is feeling and the threat it poses to there Marriage, she needs to be honest about how bad the situation is (I do not mean tell about the Affair).

The addiction thing is real, she is addicted to the way he makes her feel not to him, the strong emotions the emotional highs, but if she continues she will learn about the other side of the coin in time the rollercoster ride as it is called.

I wish her well, she needs a real friend now to help her do what is good for her not what feels good.

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Sat, 01-17-2004 - 9:02pm


Hi Blue,

Here are some links that may help your friend in the mean time. The first one is about how to help prevent an impending affair for the person who is thinking about doing it. The second one is the steps that lead to affairs so your friend can recognize it in her own life and maybe stop the progression...if that is what she really wants. The last two just talk about affairs and the most likely outcome.

http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/experts/experts_by_month/articles/0,,166973_14018,00.html

http://www.indwes.edu/tuesday/5-adulty.htm

http://enotalone.com/article/1058.html

http://enotalone.com/article/1059.html

Because it sounds like your friend does not want to really have an affair, then these sites would be a good place for her to start.

Pen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 9:15pm
thank you both...i cant tell you how grateful i am for your reply...i hope these sites help her. you guys were very helpful. best of luck to all of you here...
andrea :0)