The great disappearing act....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2008
The great disappearing act....
33
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 6:33pm
Anyone else's AP done the great disappearing act the last couple of weeks? Yes I know it's the holidays etc etc but how difficult is it to send a quick hello text?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 8:07pm

Not sure if your AP has replied by now but yes, this happened to me...a few times. I stopped reaching out as I felt so silly and so unclear on the situation. We are in such a tough spot as we must sit back and 'be good'...but should we? I am still unclear on this...


I truly hope your holiday was warm and fuzzy regardless ( :


Olive

~Olive
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Mon, 12-29-2008 - 11:49pm
I have been lurking for a while but had to post to this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 9:49am
he had better not i'd hunt him down....but seriously nah...he's been with me and talking and texting me.....maybe

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 12:45pm

Please keep in mind that when we think they have disappeared it could also be that the texts have disappeared.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
Tue, 12-30-2008 - 1:13pm

My AP disappeared, yes.  It was expected, I guess.  He is out of the state with his girlfriend and his family and logically I didn't really expect to hear from him.  But if I'm honest, I am disappointed I haven't heard anything from him. 

This is the first time in 3 months (since this A started) we've had NC at all.  We usually talk/text/IM every single day.  So I know I am in some state of withdrawals.  And that just makes me crazy wondering if he's thinking about me, etc.  And I am already planning how to sound cool when he contacts me when he gets back.  So I don't sound all needy and stuff. 

I'm not alone here, right??

 




Edited 1/2/2009 2:00 am ET by sdbatgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 3:09am

Yes, we have this "disappearing act" but by this point I am used to it. We speak less frequently now than we did a few years back. Then during times of AP's business trips (he travels alot for his job) I may not hear from him for a week or two and then during his time home with family like now with the holidays I do not hear from him. This used to drive me crazy, it no longer does. I'm used to it. I'm also getting tired of being the one texting or IMing him asking him where he's been. Maybe its time for me to pull a disappearing act.

I think some men have a hard time "multitasking". He compartmentalizes so well that our "thang" can be put away for a while and I don't think it bothers him. It used to make me feel insecure but now i'm used to it and he always comes around. (We have been FWB for quite some time now). I have to respect his time home with his family and his time with work like I expect him to do for me. It is just the way it is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 3:11am
You are SO NOT alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2008
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 1:04pm
Yes..this sounds exactly like my AP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 2:35pm
This sounds exactly like my situation! I have been wondering the same thing. I have decided that this is one of the things that I am going to bring up the next time we speak or see one another. I'm okay with the less communication as long as we are still friends, but I wonder why the frequency is less. I have come to the conclusion that AP is just busier. The nature of his job has changed over the years. Maybe I've changed and he is reacting to that. maybe things are good with the wife and he needs me less...maybe he got scared because we were getting extremely close at one point..maybe he is chatting with someone else during the day... I just don't know and I won't know until I come right out and ask him. If me asking him scares him away then so be it. I can't sit here and worry about it...I have a family and job too....And you are right, women CAN multitask better and its a good thing we can because raising kids makes it a requirement! ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2008
Thu, 01-01-2009 - 10:56pm

OMG I am so mad he is doing the same thing to me...not responding to my texts.
I am ready to scream!! We were together on Tuesday..had amazing sex. I wanted to get together today (DH out of town visiting family)
He knew DH was out of town obviously AP didn't want me today, but couldn't he be polite and respond? I am MW, AP is SM.
Maybe he found someone else to cuddle up with?
Men can be so detached, or like other posters have stated they are good at compartametalizing (sp?)

The weird thing is for me this is just a PA not EA but it still makes me feel like such a fool, that he will not respond.

Worst--I finally called him but he said he could not talk at that moment...I hung up then my stomach felt in knots, I felt so embarrased.
I will not call him.!!..I will not call him!! I have to keep repeating to myself.

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