Greeneyesofblue's response to Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Greeneyesofblue's response to Karen
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Fri, 04-23-2004 - 9:54am
re: Feeling guilty and bad today....



I feel its a very pathetic approach when any body who disagrees with a particular situation is made to run away. I see that happening on the betrayed board where God forbid any OW posts an opinion to a question, the spy group will spot her and shoo her out. I see the same thing happening over here. I see most of the people making the comment "don't judge". Do you really not "judge" and "project your situation on somebody else" when one person complains about their marriage and you apply your experiences and tell them that things won't improve or something is definitely wrong in their primary relationship. Sometimes people do need a swift kick in the butt to open their eyes and let them see what really is the truth. Lets be a little more open here and invite others opinions and stay away from the cliches such as "We will support you whatever your decision is" and shooing anybody who doesn't. Try telling that cliche to a person pondering jumping over a cliff.

Let the board remain democratic and not a dictatorship.

PG



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 9:59am
I hate to start another feud with you PG, but I must respectfully disagree. I don't think anyone on this board was "shooing" greeneyesofblue away. On the contrary, I made an effort to reply to her rather than just blocking her. And never once did I suggest she should leave the board. I just don't see the point in kicking someone when they're down. You and she claim that sometimes people need a kick in the butt. I don't think the time for that is when they are on the ground crying. I think that in general people respond better to those who treat them kindly and offer constructive criticism. And regardless, this isn't the Dr. Laura board. That type of attacking "help" is counterproductive. I'm not telling anyone to leave this board other than the recent impersonator that has shown up. But I will speak up and disagree when I feel someone is being unfair to a member of the board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 10:02am
PG...I agree for the most part about your post.
cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
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anonymous user
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 10:05am
I did not post on that thread, but I didn't see anyone "shooing" her away. I thought she assumed an awful lot from Karen's post. Karen could have been in another city on a business trip and missed that little milestone (I don't remember losing my first tooth either) and still been upset. Would she have gotten the same response? I thought she used the wrong language as well to get her point accross. "abandoning" her kids?? It was a bit too harsh. It's not like she dumped the kids off at the xH's and said "take em I don't want em" and left town never to be seen again

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 10:12am
First of all we need to realize that when a poster poses a question asking for advice, they will get all types of advice and they should. All that advice constitutes support. Some of it is what they like to hear, some of it is what they don't. Thats the beauty of a true support. When they have posted their situation, they have opened them selves to being "judged" and yes those of you who are supporting her decision are also judging her (based upon your experiences) in the same way as people who are not supporting her decision. The point is that in fact if you are judging either way lets judge the poster who asked for advice and not the people who responded.

Secondly let the original poster respond to the advice that others feel is not right and not jump the gun and be more loyal than the king unless the poster who responded is uttering profanities.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 10:18am
Fair enough, PG.
cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 10:18am
NRY I like your approach since you compared to some others are balanced about a situation and don't get worked up too easily. For the same reason, I like Rain's comments too. Or maybe I am just partial to Leos :-)

PG

Anyway I got to go and pack for my conjugal weekend visit to my hubby in the other city so won't be able to follow up. Adios Amigos.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 10:19am
Actually, in my book, attacking someone when they're sad does not constitute support. Telling someone they made a huge mistake without having any idea why or even what decisions were made is not support. It is criticism. But it was not constructive in any way. I did not tell Karen that she absolutely made the right decision and should stay divorced because I don't know if that is true. All I offered was support for her because she was feeling down. I wanted her to know that even though she felt bad at that moment, it doesn't mean she is a bad person or that she necessarily made a bad decision. Meanwhile, greeneyesofblue flat out told Karen she made a big mistake and should go back. I don't think you can draw any kind of parallel between those types of advice.

As to why we jumped in to defend Karen, that is what people who care do. I didn't feel Karen was in a place emotionally to defend herself from that attack and frankly, the nature of the post offended me. I would prefer to read profanities than vicious personal attacks.

I also find it ironic you want to tell us all how to post and then call that a democracy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 10:25am
Omaha I am not telling you how to post...I am saying post and let others post...just like live and let live and that is democracy.

PG


On another note....you have been busy :-) All these lost loves coming up from everywhere. Have a good one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 10:31am
Have a safe trip, Philly.
cl-noregretsyet (co-cl of MAS board)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Fri, 04-23-2004 - 10:32am
Yeah PG, you're quite funny. I have only one love, you can rest assured of that.

As far as the definition of a democracy, I would say you need to study government a bit more. What you are describing would be anarchy. A democracy is when the majority of the people decide how we are governed. That being the case, I would say you would lose this argument.

However, this board is not a government. It is simply a community of people who come together to offer one another advice and support (notice I didn't say people who come together to attack one another). So I'm going to keep being supportive of those who need it and rebutting those who are cruel and less than helpful. I suppose we'll have to agree to disagree.

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