Guilt: getting between MM and his W
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| Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:55pm |
After W hears he is leaving, W reconsiders her attitude and actions (apparently). She decides to fix things and basically does. He isn't 100% happy, but things are good again. Had he been feeling this way back in May, i woudln't even be in the picture IMHO. Now i can't say things are perfect, that they don't still have problems, they do, but not to the extent it was back then. W does NOT want him to leave, he has decided he isn't, and she basically doesn't push him about leaving me, cuz she's afriad he'll just go altogether if she does.
Now i told him a long time ago they needed to fix their money problems and talk some mroe and things would be better. Now he realizes i was right (why coudln't he realize that BEFORE he told me he would marry me?? GR.)
i digress. So today here we are. He loves me and wants to stay with me. We spend alot of time together (see each other almost every day, talk, chat, email every day, share everything basically). i am happy with our set up until i decide to date and stuff.
The problem is, i feel overwhelming guilt that if i weren't in the picture, they could be happy, like REALLY happy. i mean in some sick way i helped them find their way back to each other. i almost feel like my job is done. My purpose in the "big picture" has been fulfilled. i should wish him well and step back.
The problem with that is i love this man so very much that i cry as i type this. i am happy when i am with him. My little chats and emails and trists with him light up my days. i am working on building a new life... since the Divorce everything has changed. i lost soooo many of my old friends including my best girl friend. My ex isn't nice to me... i can't call him to ask him to look at the wash machine or anything like that. i have no contact with his family anymore. i am living and feeling alone for the first time ever and it's very hard for me.
i helped him through his time, and i feel like he wants to help me through mine. He says i shouldn't feel guilty, he spends time with me becuase he wants to, he drives to my house, none of which he HAS to do. He doesn't want to abandon me or lose me right now because he loves me.
Yet i feel like i am holding him and his wife back.
Do you have any advice? do you guys think i am nuts? Thanks for hearing me out. it's so complicated, almost impossible to put into words.
Thanks guys
jen

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Being the religious person that I am, I would just say don't let this voice inside you go unheard. Just pray to God (or karma or fate) to guide you to the right path and make a good choice.
PG
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