The guilt of not feeling guilty

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
The guilt of not feeling guilty
6
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 1:41pm
Does anyone else feel like that. I really like that term "the guilt of not feeling guilty". I feel guilty for not feeling as guilty as I think I should. I am so happy all the time. This morning MM showed up for a little morning rendezvous before work, and it was a total surprise. We usually plan those days, but I loved being surprised!!! He's the best!!!! I know how wrong all of this is, but he just makes it feel so right!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 2:07pm
Or "If it's so wrong, why does it feel so right?" Isn't that a song???? Hee-Haw!!!

The guilt will come when he cancels, changes plans, becomes indifferent, disappears for a few days, doesn't answer your email, doesn't call back in a timely manner, whatever! This is when you will feel stupid, angry, used, and yes; even guilty to a degree. Usually it's directed at yourself because that's who are deceiving the most.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 3:40pm
Oh yeah....I have a double dose. I don't feel guilty for cheating on my husband and I don't feel guilty for sleeping with my good friend's husband. UGH! But I feel guilty about NOT feeling guilty.

I dunno. Who knows where this is leading. Things aren't so great right now, I'm afraid. DH and I started marital therapy and I am committed to putting 100% into our relationship. I'm also, however, committed to letting the EMA take me wherever it leads. MM is a little distant right now, though. Not sure what that's about. But whatever. We'll see.

Sorry for the ramble. KC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 5:08pm
I don't feel guilt about this, and I don't feel guilty for feeling no guilt. My marriage has been over for years, I don't need an attorney for the coup de grace. I don't take time away from my children for my MM, and hope he does the same.

Maybe there is something missing in me, but there is no feeling of guilt. I gave the M my all for 20 years. Now it's my turn for a little happiness.

Hope that answers your question

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:42am
My gosh SSB-

I feel exactly like you re: marriage. ( however I am trying to work on it- athough I really don't have my heart into it). Wish my R was like yours.

You lucky gal!

And for the guilt part- well, I had lunch with MM two days after my H found out and asked me not to see MM again. Did I feel guilty about this. NO.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 8:12am
I have been married for 20 years, wonderful man, but no sex

drive at all. My MM and I have been together 6 months, and

made love for the first time this week, all the way.

Guilty? NO I now realize I am sensual, beautiful and feel

like a women again. I am happy, there are of course

the ups and downs, but then there are ups and downs in marriage

also.

I am happy and feel fulfilled for the first time in many,

many years.

I think also having no children on both sides does help, we both

do not have that stress. Each of our married partners are not

interested in the sex area, and it is nice to have someone

want to please you and you please them.

Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:33pm
Bunny-

I felt so much joy for you when I read that you and MM made love. I think that's wonderful! It let me fantasize, falsely unfortunately, that my MM and I (MW) would someday get to that point.

I am so happy for you. You must be floating.

Cheers!

V.