Gurlfriend or anyone else, need advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Gurlfriend or anyone else, need advice!
5
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 10:39am
Gurlfriend, I need your advice you seem to have it together.

Here is my story, sorry if it is too long.

I have been married for almost 11 years and have a 10 year old D. Things have never been great in my marriage, married too young etc. but they have actually gotten better over the last couple of years. May 2003, I was at a party. H left early and his best friend was still there. No big deal this has happened a million times we all have mutual friends. I have known his best friend for over for 12 years, talked him through a divorce and many other problems. Never been anything else other than friends. Well, we ended up together that night. I chalked it up to a mistake, we drank a little too much etc..

Since then it has become a full-blown A. He has felt things for me for a long time, which I had never known. I can’t believe the random things that he remembered about me and how in tune he is to my emotions and feelings. I know that I have let myself fall in love with him. Pretty stupid of me! We both know that we feel more for each other than just sex. I have told him and he has told me. Usually once we talk about our feelings for each other one of us ends up pulling back, probaly because we both know that we can never be anything other than a secret. Too many people would get hurt. We are practically family, he is my D’s godfather, and his brother is married to my sister etc… Very messy situation.

Here is my question. How can I keep this all in perspective? We see each other all the time in social situations, usually once a week. It is getting harder and harder for me. OM is single so naturally if we are out he talks to women. I don’t want to give up OM, it is amazing when we are together, I can tell him anything and the sex is great, but if I can’t control my emotions and feelings of jealousy, I am going to have to end it. How do I keep myself in line? You seem to be able to accept you’re A for what it is. On top of it no matter what happens we are going to have to find a way to stay friends due to our situation. Too many questions would be raised if we all of a sudden hated each other! Any advice that you can give me would be appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 10:56am
kew hon

I'm sure gurl will be around soon. I can't really help you with this as I'm not in this kind of situation, but my God, be careful. I learned a long time ago to hold no judgment in these kind of situations...but wow, you have the potential to DEEPLY and permanently scar your H. You may want to seriously consider ending this thing fast.

Let's see what gurl has to say...

Good luck,

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:42am

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 11:45am
hey charlotte - thanks for that vote of confidence, i think! see ya,

gurl

Edited 4/7/2004 9:28 am ET ET by gurlfriend50


Edited 4/7/2004 9:29 am ET ET by gurlfriend50

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 12:27pm
hey gurl

Of course it was a vote of confidence!!

You ARE strong!! And you ALWAYS crack me up!

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 1:48pm
You are right. I need to figure out what is best for me. This weekend will be a true test of whether or not I can "handle" this. There are a group of us going out tommorrow night, maybe that will give me some insight into what I want. The "unselfish and good" part of me does want OM to have his own life and knows that he can not be sitting around waiting for me. You are right if what we have is strong he will keep coming back to me, it only been 8 months but so far he has. I want to be able to manage my jealousy because I don't want to sacrifice what I do have with OM. I know that it sounds stupid but he can look at me and know exactly what is on my mind. I have never had that with my H, I know that we should have never gotten married but I was 19, pregnant and scared and did not know any better.

How long have you been in your A for? I am sure that you have posted this before but how did yours start.

I do honestly believe that no matter what OM and I have to be friend or at least learn to co-exist. Even if H and I ever got a D, as long as my sister is married to OM's brother he will be at any family function that I attend. I can't blow off everything. My sister also is pregnant and they have asked OM and I to be the godparents of their unborn child. There are times that we will be brought together because of this child as well.

I just need to figure my head out so that if I need to end things I can do it before they get ugly.

Thanks for the advice and Have a good weekend!