Gutted
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| Wed, 12-17-2003 - 2:23pm |
I should have deleted it. In it he said, "I'm sure you feel better by ending things, but it ended after we met in the hotel room. You see for me, it was all about the hunt. Guys don't need "friends" we have buddies we golf with, drink with, play cards with. Women serve one or two purposes, to have our kids, clean our houses, and for sex. Women outside of marriage are for hunting. Once they are bagged, the hunt is over and we move on. Our wives are too focused on being the perfect little wife to no whats going on. So we have the best of both worlds. Merry Christmas"
Yes, it was a spitful email, but it hurt like hell. I believe all the lies, how could I have been SO stupid? I must have been from seeking outside of marriage I didn't have; friendship and love.
Feeling like life isn't so grand about now.

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Since receiving that email, I have been keeping myself busy with the Holidays, having lunch with people who are funny and cheerful. It has been just the medicine I needed. One thing I will be grateful for, is the fact I held back on giving him my heart. I have had it shattered in this marriage, so I wasn't quiet so trusting to give my heart away - not just yet. The way things ended, and that email put a dent in my pride, but my heart is still intact.
I didn't know if I should reply to the email or simply read and delete it. The following evening, I decided for myself, and final closure to reply. The email was short and honest. I wrote: "Read your email, and I must stay I am disappointed in who your turned out to be. Not that I believe what you wrote, but that you could be so small and spiteful. I can see why your W is "bitter" as you put it. She has my sympathies. One day I hope you find what you need in life. In closing, you need to know I will be closing this email account after I send this, my cell phone number has already been changed. A final good-bye, good luck and Merry Christmas."
When I pressed the button to send the email, I felt all the negative emotion melt away. It's over, there is no way for him to contact me again. Clean break.
There are alot of lessons to be learned in this. I will still believe there are great guys out there, and that I'm going to continue to hold out for one of the "great ones". It may take a long time, but that's ok - this is my heart we're talking about here!
Hugs and thanks to all who helped out in my time of need. I can't imagine doing this by myself.
Have a wonderful Holiday season, and wishing you all the best for the new year.
Life
I won't bash the guy. I'll just say this. He cared a whole heck of a lot about you or he wouldn't have bothered to send the very carefully worded, hurtful, spiteful email that he sent. There was a whole lot of his own pain coming through there. I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but you should always remember that this guy clearly cared about you, but for some reason of his own, he just didn't know how to show it.
This is my first time on this board since 2001. It's been a very long journey for me.
Steven
Love,
ns
I've been back in my A for awhile now, but there have been several issues that I've struggled with. I can relate to what you're saying about his "own, weird, twisted kind of way... ". My MM falls into that category frequently, and it definitely complicates things.
Thank you for posting and I hope I hear from you again soon!
your reply was right on and concise in its message to MM. your closure should make you feel lighter since letting all that negative energy on upon hitting that "send" button.
great, good luck to you in the future and stay in touch with us here on the board!
Merry Christmas and Happy 2004!
gurl
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