Gutted

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Gutted
27
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 2:23pm
Received an email from MM today. The subject said: Do not delete-please read.

I should have deleted it. In it he said, "I'm sure you feel better by ending things, but it ended after we met in the hotel room. You see for me, it was all about the hunt. Guys don't need "friends" we have buddies we golf with, drink with, play cards with. Women serve one or two purposes, to have our kids, clean our houses, and for sex. Women outside of marriage are for hunting. Once they are bagged, the hunt is over and we move on. Our wives are too focused on being the perfect little wife to no whats going on. So we have the best of both worlds. Merry Christmas"

Yes, it was a spitful email, but it hurt like hell. I believe all the lies, how could I have been SO stupid? I must have been from seeking outside of marriage I didn't have; friendship and love.

Feeling like life isn't so grand about now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
In reply to: life_is_grand
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 7:53pm
I've seen too many beautiful, wonderful women have their spirits crushed by insecure men and I just can't bear to watch it. MM has tried it with me before and at first I fell into it. I would snap some biting comment back, which would escalate into a fight. Then I tried pouting, which was pretty effective. But now I've learned to look at him and say, "Don't do that." It works amazingly well. I don't need MM to tell me I'm a beautiful, intelligent, talented woman. It makes him feel a little better about himself to knock me down a couple of notches, which is the exact motivation any man has for beating us down. It's like that old story about the boss who treats his employees like crap because he figures if he demoralizes them enough, they won't go elsewhere. You have to stand up for yourself. You have to look them in the eye and let them know you don't deserve to be treated that way. I've put it to MM a couple of times and I'll keep putting it to him that we are in this to build each other up, not tear each other down. If we're going to play the game of "I had better sex with my spouse last night than you did" or "Oh, so you were looking at another woman? Well, I just had a guy whistle at me" then we may as well not speak at all. It's counter-productive. So I've learned to just say, "Stop. Don't do that." He always stops abruptly, realizes what he did, and nods his agreement that he should stop. (Then I make a joke asking if he finds a bossy woman sexy!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
In reply to: life_is_grand
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 5:17am
I can't thank you all enough for your support. You have NO idea, how it helped me. I agree with the statements that said he was saying those things to get even, that he was an paltroon, etc. It still hurt, just the same.

Since receiving that email, I have been keeping myself busy with the Holidays, having lunch with people who are funny and cheerful. It has been just the medicine I needed. One thing I will be grateful for, is the fact I held back on giving him my heart. I have had it shattered in this marriage, so I wasn't quiet so trusting to give my heart away - not just yet. The way things ended, and that email put a dent in my pride, but my heart is still intact.

I didn't know if I should reply to the email or simply read and delete it. The following evening, I decided for myself, and final closure to reply. The email was short and honest. I wrote: "Read your email, and I must stay I am disappointed in who your turned out to be. Not that I believe what you wrote, but that you could be so small and spiteful. I can see why your W is "bitter" as you put it. She has my sympathies. One day I hope you find what you need in life. In closing, you need to know I will be closing this email account after I send this, my cell phone number has already been changed. A final good-bye, good luck and Merry Christmas."

When I pressed the button to send the email, I felt all the negative emotion melt away. It's over, there is no way for him to contact me again. Clean break.

There are alot of lessons to be learned in this. I will still believe there are great guys out there, and that I'm going to continue to hold out for one of the "great ones". It may take a long time, but that's ok - this is my heart we're talking about here!

Hugs and thanks to all who helped out in my time of need. I can't imagine doing this by myself.

Have a wonderful Holiday season, and wishing you all the best for the new year.

Life

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: life_is_grand
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 9:14am
You are a classy lady.

I won't bash the guy. I'll just say this. He cared a whole heck of a lot about you or he wouldn't have bothered to send the very carefully worded, hurtful, spiteful email that he sent. There was a whole lot of his own pain coming through there. I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but you should always remember that this guy clearly cared about you, but for some reason of his own, he just didn't know how to show it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
In reply to: life_is_grand
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 12:07pm
A very cogent piece of advice. I know that I, as a man, would've written something VERY carefully if I wantd to hurt someone that I thought deserved more than a jealous diatribe.

This is my first time on this board since 2001. It's been a very long journey for me.

Steven

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
In reply to: life_is_grand
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 11:02pm
mommdotcom! Where have you been" I used to always see your calm, level-headed posts... Are you back in your EMA? I'm not exactly, but we have very close contact......Neither of us have been able to stop, and he and I have both written some very nasty stuff to each other..... He sounds like an ass, but my XXXXXXXXXXXXmm is also one. I think in his own, weird, twisted kind of way, he truly does love me.....

Love,

ns

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: life_is_grand
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 1:22am
Hi NS, it's so great to hear from you again! I have wondered for a long time how you were doing. I'm glad to hear that you are still around. You sound relatively happy even if things aren't perfect (when are they ever???)

I've been back in my A for awhile now, but there have been several issues that I've struggled with. I can relate to what you're saying about his "own, weird, twisted kind of way... ". My MM falls into that category frequently, and it definitely complicates things.

Thank you for posting and I hope I hear from you again soon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: life_is_grand
Mon, 12-22-2003 - 4:37pm
wow, life, i am SOOOOOOOOOO proud of you!! girl, you are strong and smart and please stay that way!!

your reply was right on and concise in its message to MM. your closure should make you feel lighter since letting all that negative energy on upon hitting that "send" button.

great, good luck to you in the future and stay in touch with us here on the board!

Merry Christmas and Happy 2004!

gurl

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