Is this guy on the the take or what??

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Is this guy on the the take or what??
6
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 7:58am
I have been having an EMA for nearly a year now. In this time he has never met me if sex cannot be had. I have often aksed him (or at least suggested nicely) that we meet for a simple coffee or dinner, go to the movies whatever. But nothing doing. He only wants to meet for sex and that two for an hour aor two in between commitments.

He phones every day and emails a lot. I havent seen him now in a month because the sordid motel he books into for a couple of hours has been unavailable.

My question is am I wrong in expecting us to meet for a simple walk in a park, or cafe in the course of an affair? Is it wrong to expect companionship?

Is an A with a MM only limited to sexual meets on his terms with no dinner or drinks involved.

He also withholds affection if I cant because of my own commitments turn up for these lightning meets.

I mean can anyone tell me what to do?

Desperate

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:01am
Yes, wake up and smell the coffee. His actions speak very loudly as to his feelings, no matter what he says. Lily
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:45am
I hate to say this, but I think he only wants that part of your R. When I was married the first time and had an A and subsequently left him, I used to have that kind of R with this SG. He only wanted me when he could arrange it on his terms not mine. It was purely sex only for us. I really liked him and just had to realize "it is what it is" and I didn't stay with him long. Since yours has gone on so long, I know you have a vested interest in it. So without being callous to you I will have to say you are going to have to ask yourself if you are okay with it being that way.

Good Luck and Hugs to you,

~Blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:56am
Isn't what you described is called FWB situation or somebody here before called it a more graphic name. If this is not what you want, then get out of it. Its not wrong to expect a walk in the park or cafe in the course of an affair, but this guy is not going to give it you. Don't waste your efforts on him, he clearly has showed what he wants and it your choice to take or leave it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 2:45pm
well, duh, here's what you do -- just say "no"! if this A is now demeaning to you because it's "just sex", then you have every right to not be in the R. however, if that's the way the R started, as "just sex", you cannot expect to now change up the rules and demand emotional intimacy from your MM, which he just can't (or won't) give you.

you do realize you're not dating, you're having an A, huge difference there. no walks in the park, dinner and a movie, none of that matters to MM. he obviously wants just the sex and is unwilling to do ANYTHING else with you, so the ball's in your court sweetie!

if you want to change the rules, you have to be ready to walk away when MM says "no way". sorry to be so direct, but i just cannot believe you're posting a question with such an obvious answer!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 8:20pm
I agreee with alot of the things gurl posted.From what I have read on the posts the last few weeks, every EMA is dfferent. We all are looking for our own needs to be met. For some it is more like dating and others it is all about the sex. We cannot change the fact that it is something that we keep secret, we cannot run the risk of seeing anyone we are known by in public places with our MM. There are things I would like to do with my MM but the circumstance prevent that. Not all men want emotional involvement out of an A, so if thats what you are looking for I would suggest talking to your MM but be ready to get an answer that you may not like.

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:03pm
ustaani


Once again the gurl is right -- "you do realize you're not dating, you're having an A, huge difference there." That's it in a nutshell. If it started off sex, it most likely will stay sex. I know how you feel (and I think most of the people here do as well). There is only so much you can get out of these relationships.

If it's not making you happy -- STOP. (Easier said than done, I know).

Good luck.

Charlotte