H confronted Ap who is his bf too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2008
H confronted Ap who is his bf too.
13
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 10:05am

D day happend but with no proof, I guess we made it through but seems without each other.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 09-10-2008 - 4:33pm

That stinks..but yes..guess its a risk of getting involved with someone so much in your "circle"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2007
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 1:28pm

I'm just kinda gonna put a little bit of my 2cents worth in here.

I have lived this nightmare.

First things first you cannot contiue to beat yourself up over the fact that the A should have never happened. That gets you nowhere. Believe me. I have been there.

We have been family friends for years. One day it just happened. We spent ayear together meeting just about everyday. The NC sucks. But truthfully the NC gives you time to re-evaluate the steps you are taking that H is reading into. The things you think will not lead to being caught will actually get you caught the easiest. You can never be to careful.

Our confrontation was hard becuz it was not done in private between the 2 of them bu in public with all 3 of us present.

AP was very hurt that H would ever even tempt the thought of pointing fingers at us and accusing him of sleeping with me. bfs just don't do that. That is how we ended up getting too comfortable with the A.

We still went to their house for parties and they came camping with us after the confrontation. Talk about awkward. But we bite the bullet and don't regret anything we did. If anything the D-days or almost D-days make you totally take stock of what is important to you and what you are willing to loose if you choose to continue.

Give it time. When he feels it is safe he will contact you. If he doesn't it means yes that he no longers wants to risk it. It is a very hard blow having a bf make those types of accusations. It takes awhile for the feelings to wear off.

Again take time to reflect on your own situation. What made you start up the A? WHat is missing in your M, that the A was replacing? What are you willing to loose if you choose to continue?

You can email me anytime thru my profile.

Lost



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2008
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 1:57pm

The kicker to it all is AP is coming to my house tonight to help my H so I guess the NC will stop then.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2007
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 2:58pm
Now I'm confused. Are you saying that your AP was insulted that your H accused him of sleeping with you even though he is sleeping with you? That takes a lot of nerve to even admit to being offended over something like that. Incredible!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2007
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 6:21pm

I realize there are some of us out here that will think...how can one be offended in this case. All I can say is from experience and although some may not think feeling offended is jusitfied, whether it is or not it is still a feeling that occurrs. You have to be in the situation to truly feel the feelings GC08 and I have experienced.

My AP was very offended that H confronted him. His BF of all people throwing out the accusations. Not a fun place to be in. It hurts in my case cuz there was no proof. It was just accusations. Just as H had accused me before of sleeping with everyone of his friends at some point in time. Were they all true and justified no not one of them was. It just so happens that the accusations were true this time. I live it everyday.

Do I regret what I did? No, not in a million years would I ever regret the choices I made. Who I made them with? Again NO. Would I advise others to take the A-land route or the straight and narrow? I would say straight and narrow. I would never recommend having an A let alone with someone so close to family. But we all make choices in our lives that we learn from. A part of life is learning. I have learned more about myself in my A than I had in all my life.

Lost~



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2008
Thu, 09-11-2008 - 11:13pm
O.K., wait a minute, You are saying your AP was insulted because your H accused him of sleeping with his wife?????????? HE WAS FOR GOD SAKES??????????????????????? I mean, I would be TOTALLY APPALLED if my bf accused me of sleeping with their H or W, But HELLO???????????????? It was TRUE?????? How the he!! can you be insulted when it is fricken true????????? Please enlighten me???????????? ( Oh, And before you ask, yes, I have been in an A, But I didn't FREAK out and get insulted when my H thought I was doing something THAT WAS WHAT I WAS DOING!!!!!!!?????????????)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 3:16am

I agree with some of the other people that have posted. I do not understand how your AP could possibly be offended that your H, his BF, questioned him as to whether he is sleeping with you. I can understand being scared, nervous, embarrassed, freaked out, but offended? The fact is that he IS sleeping with you, and your husband is picking up on the vibes. If anything, this should make you hyper aware that your husband is on to you, not incredulous. (How could he think such a thing?). Come on, you're not that, for lack of a better word, stupid.

If I were you, I would end this affair. Even if you choose to divorce your husband, I guarantee you that your AP won't. The men rarely do. From what I know about affairs, and I know alot both from my own experience and other people's, women and men operate differently in them. Women tend to tell the truth about their marriages. Men usually either exaggerate their situations or outright lie. Women usually do everything in their power to see the AP. Men do it on THEIR terms. Women usually are the ones that suffer the most emotionally. And women are usually the ones that lose out. Yes, there are people on these boards that have husbands that either find out or are told of the affair by their spouse and continue to love them and want to work it out. They are the minority. Most men, because of their ridiculously inflated egos and pride, will dump a cheating wife. Trust me, I know.

I'm nip this little bugger in the bud.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2008
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 8:17am

For the record my H has accused me of sleeping with at least 5 different men none of which I have.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 9:01am

And if your H really believed something was going on why would he invite his friend back over?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2008
Fri, 09-12-2008 - 9:38am

Thank you so much.

 

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