H found out

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
H found out
3
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 1:40pm
Well it happened, H found out in the stupidest way. I left my wallet at home when I went to work and he snooped and in there was a small little journal about MM. How much I loved him, that it was not just sex, and that I miss him when I dont see him. H called me and I was almost at work and I knew already in my heart that he had found it. He was very upset so I went home and gave him an explanation and told him not everything but didnt deny it. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt him because he truly is a good H and is very loving and attentive. My reason for the A was because I fell deeply in love with MM as he did with me, but I had no intentions of ever leaving the M. Me and MM had a wonderful friendship, fell in love and took it to another level. Ironic thing is that that same morning I had told MM that it was over between us so that he could mend his marriage and be happy, for his daughter although it was going to kill me. I wanted NC but he insisted that we were best friends before this and we always will be. I told MM about what happened and he felt devastated and said that he is sorry for what is happening to me that maybe I could rebuild my M now that things happen for a reason. My H is willing to forgive me and says he loves me very much. Although I feel in my heart I dont want to lose H, I cant help but feel this total emptiness without MM. I told MM goodbye over the phone and he said no I will always be here. Then I emailed him again saying goodbye and that there are no regrets in my part. He emailed back that he will always love me and that he has a void and an emtiness in his heart if he doesnt see me or talk to me. That although he would love to kiss me and make love to me that he would forfeit that as long as I am his friend. He ended it with "I will always still love you". It was closure for me and NC will start today although it will kill me. I am not doing it only for me but for him to rebuild his M. Well it has been fun being on this board. I will be going for sure to the Ending An Affair board. Just one question, has this happened to anyone else here and if so what happened?

Love you all,

Sally

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sally289
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 1:55pm
oh sally, i'm so sorry you have to go through the ending of your R with MM now, during the holiday season! and i know you did not want your H to find out that way, but at least, you know your H loves you and wants to give the M a second chance. i do believe that everything happens for a reason. MM was brought into your life to give you love and friendship and you got that and more, right?

you have a huge heart to be able to end the A with MM so he can repair his M and stay with his child. that takes lots of guts, girl! and keep MM as a friend, but give yourself some time to "get over" him. in a month or two, when you feel more secure that you can keep the relationship at a friendship level, you can initiate contact with MM, in a friendly-note-hi-how-are-you? kind of way, if you want to.

good luck honey and let's us know how you are. stay in touch.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
In reply to: sally289
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 2:45pm
Thank you gurl.

Sally

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
In reply to: sally289
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 3:32pm
I've seen your situation on the "Ending" board, I know, but I think it can go in either direction. I think that you probably have the most beautiful closure to your A than any I have ever seen and I would hope, if the same thing happened to any of us, that our MM/OM would be just as loving and kind. I honestly think you and MM do have a future if you're both willing -- you just need to make sure your Ms aren't going to work out first. That's just going on what you've written, but he sounds like a wonderful man.