H going out of town
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| Mon, 02-09-2004 - 10:52am |
Here's the thing. I'm taking my own advice, which I posted here a while back, and I'm trying to imagine it step by step in detail. Imagining me probably having to meet him somewhere because I don't need him pulling into my driveway in front of everyone. Imagining bringing him into my house and... THEN WHAT? It all just seems repulsive to me. Sneaking him through the house I share with my H. Making love to him in that bed, knowing for the rest of the time I have that bed I'll KNOW that I violated my marriage right there. Feeling terrified someone will somehow find out what we're doing. Fearing that afterward he'll so totally freak out that he won't speak to me for months... To be truthful with everyone, in my mind I can't get past the front door of my house with this guy. But I'm thinking, with me being so scared of everything, will I EVER be able to go through with it? It's not like there will come a time when we're alone and one thing will just lead to another. If we do it, we'll have to go all the way through with it in a prearranged manner and that's just not me. Am I absolutely crazy? I'm starting to think I am... I guess when it boils down to it, I'm just not ready, but will that change???

oh, honey, you are not ready!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
Glad to know having him to my house sounds bad to you too. I just couldn't IMAGINE!!!! I think surely he must be joking. This is going to come up again and again, though. What should I say? Should I just keep saying no, absolutely not? I don't want him to get fed up with me, but I have a feeling saying yes would just scare the daylights out of both of us.
lilah, you have to keep saying "no" until you are ready to say "yes" -- whenever that may be!
if your MM has done this before with his current W, he
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
it's a day-to-day proposition as to what you do and how you feel when you work with your MM and see him every day.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board