Had an epiphany this morning

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2011
Had an epiphany this morning
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 12:09pm

I'm a MW in an A with a MM, over a year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 12:22pm

Hi Livefortoday74, sometimes realizations like this happen spur of the moment. It's like it just hits you out of no where & you feel this absolute certainty that it's what you must do for yourself. I'm happy for you and wish you all the best on this new journey. It finally hit you what you want & know how to reach your full happiness by leaving your marriage.
I'm glad your doing this for you and no one else. Much love to you!


Much peace & Love,



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2011
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 1:35pm
Do you think that maybe you should leave the AP first, take a breather and CLEARLY take a long hard look at your marriage before making such a final decision? I'm not judging here, I'm also married, been in an A with a MM for a year & a half. We love one another, but know that we will never be because of our commitment to our spouses and children. I do not love my husband, we are like roommates, but I can't see hurting him and my children right now. Maybe you can be content to stay knowing you love your AP one way, and your H another?

I'm doing this for me because it's the "right" thing to do.... NC since 1/14/14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2011
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 2:01pm

BK, you know I probably should leave AP first, as I've heard that's the thing to do, but in all honesty, I'm not willing to do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2011
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 3:20pm
Hello. I had the same epiphany when I was in my A. So many months later, I no longer feel that way. I think the advice of others is smart, not to make any marriage decisions while actively in an A. Even if you think you know, and believe you are not leaving him for MM...it really may not be objective thinking...Not saying it is the only option, but I agree with the others and see how I changed after being out of the A for a long time. I relate to your post though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2012
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 5:36pm

livefortoday...it takes a lot of bravery to start looking long and hard at our relationships. It sounds like you have emotionally checked out of your M...I can understand that. A few months ago I was EXACTLY where you are at...That said..I was not willing to give up AP either.(though I did try a couple times. I just realized this was not the time for that as well) I don't know if this is feasible for you or not..but for me..this was the point where I knew I needed some individual counseling. I felt I was too close and unconnected to H (who is emotionally abusive/passive-agressive as well)..and too close and intense with AP. I was trying to figure out what led me to this place so I could heal and develop healthier relationships with all those close to me..myself included.

  The difference between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be, is what you do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Tue, 03-06-2012 - 6:26pm

I'm not of these people who thinks that one should stay in a marriage, and with an emotionally abusive man at that, at all costs. I think it's so sad that people spend months, if not years in therapy just to have a so-so relationship, when they could be much happier with someone else or alone.

I left an emotionally abusive man and I've never been happier in my life. It was an international divorce, so my son never even gets to see his father (not my choice) and he's not unhappy at all. I have a divorced friend with 3 kids under 9 years old (also an international divorce) who's doing very well. It's not easy, but possible. And while it might be hard in the beginning,