Happier than ever

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Happier than ever
4
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 9:25am
I'm SO proud of myself. You guys that have seen me on here a while will probably be impressed too. I'm in an emotional A with a co-worker. In the beginning, we were really intense and for a while it was a total roller-coaster. We kissed a few times, we talked about meeting, but never did. So at Christmas I was just so tired of it all and I looked at my life and where I was and where I wanted to be in five years and I realized that last year, because of this mess, I completely neglected my biggest love, which is writing, and I put off having a child. I knew if I continued this year as I had last year my life would continue down this slow track to nowhere. So I made some resolutions. One was to write, and there were a couple of others, but the biggest was that I wouldn't do anything to feed this monster.

I told MM about my resolution and so far it's been the smartest thing I ever did. Every day with him is more beautiful than the last. He compliments me, he makes extra efforts to be around me, he flirts... It's what I wanted it to be all last year, day after day, and it's because I don't give in. Today, for instance, we were moving some equipment and we ended up alone together. He said, "Wouldn't it be nice to close this door and just strip down naked." I moved to the other side of the truck, laughing, and said, "Yeah, for about thirty minutes. Then it would be heck (not my exact word!) on earth." He said, "Well, it'd be longer than thirty minutes." I said, "But the pain and guilt would last the rest of my life. I don't think it would be worth it." Mind you, his comment was said in jest but before January I would have gone along with it and fed the fantasy. This time I injected realism into it. Had I given in and continued to give in, in just a couple of weeks he would have gotten scared and started pushing me away. But when I'm being so strong, he has no need to push me away. Anyway, it's an interesting experiment that has paid off for FOUR WEEKS RUNNING. This is a record for us and it's not even hard to resist him anymore.

Anyway, just wanted to share my experience in the hope that it might help someone else. I keep things light, fun, I flirt, I feed his ego (BIG TIME), but I never, ever cross that line. As long as it continues to work, I'll keep on going!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 9:41am

good morning lilah and HOORAY!!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 9:59am
Totally agree with that. There are some men (very few in fact) who don't like to chase women around....for the rest it is a matter of intrigue, chase and who presents the biggest challenge. The same thing applies to husbands too. A woman needs to constantly intrigue a guy and remain mysterious. AND its NOT about playing games....its about having your life, doing your thing, not disclosing every minor detail about yourself to a man...and not remaining at their beck and call. No need to shed off all layers at once. Let them take ages to scratch and scratch :-P


PS. If you don't have a lot of layers to begin with...Houston we have a problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 4:32pm
You're SO right, gurlfriend. Right after I posted this I ended up spending most of the morning randomly running into MM. He's coming on SUPER strong today and I don't know what the deal is. He's going through his weak period and his weakness weakens me. I just have never had anyone look at me like that. It's powerful stuff. I've found if I can just power through these days, though, I'm usually fine. I tried to stay on track but he seemed to need reassurance that I still was interested. So I let him know he was. I don't think I slipped, but what do you say when they ask if you sleep naked? I told him no, but I WOULD. (In other words, for him.) Let's see, what else...? I told him that just because I'm not feeding this thing doesn't mean my feelings have changed but I'm trying to be strong for both our sakes. The past couple of days have been really tough. He said I just have been kinda cold toward him and he was worried I wasn't interested anymore. I ended up asking him what he sleeps in and he said "boxers" and I asked if they were silk and he said no. I said, "I like silk" and he said he'd have to remember that for future reference. He asked if I still wanted him and I said yes. What else can I say? The whole conversation was kind of along this line. Did I slip? I tried to keep it on the straight and narrow but I wasn't cold like I have been. I did seem to feed the monster a little. I think maybe I just have to feed it a little every now and then to keep him happy, then pull back again. He seems to get this kind of desperation every now and then. I do have another question... One reason he was frustrated was because at the gym the other night I didn't look in his direction as I normally do. The reason I did that is his friend, who hangs out with him and his wife and child all the time, told him "That girl you work with wants you." He pointed out to him last week that I look over there a lot and of course, dummy that I am, I looked over there at the exact moment he was saying it. Last night he caught me looking at him and MM was giving me a meaningful look and no telling what was on my face. I'm terrified he's catching on. What if it goes from "That girl wants you" to "Hey...is something going on with the two of you?" People aren't stupid and they probably know he's cheated before. Not that there's anything to be suspicious of, but I don't want it to get to the point where we can't be at the gym together at all. MM said there's no reason I should stop looking over there, but it's feeding his male ego for his friends to think some hot blond is after him. I think I should try not to look at all. How would you all handle it???
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 11:58am

whew, lilah -- you are full of questions today, aren't ya!!


well, honey, you did slip a bit, but not full-on sledding down the hill.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board