happily married?
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happily married?
| Tue, 05-19-2009 - 3:04pm |
Single gal here asking the married folks,
I have to ask the question. Many times over and over I have read we are "happily married" or happily married. I would like to know why do you say happily married if you are involved in a A? I ask my MM that question; though he does not say happily. He says he's married and he refers to her as "they". I remember when I was married I could not say happily, cause that would imply contentment, fulfilled &

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I speak for myself.. I am NOT HAPPILY MARRIED,
OMG I feel exactly the same way.
I
Wow, 3 years in A... I do not think I can go on that long..
Did you get to read my last post.. I am one confuse crazy lady.. He have me wrap around his fingers and he know it... I really hate myself just about now...
"Happily" means different things to different people. For a lot of people, I suspect it means only that they're not miserable. For me, it means that I love my DH deeply, enjoy being with him, enjoy talking to him, enjoy sex with him, we have compatible values, we want the same things in life, and we are raising wonderful kids together. Of course we have our ups and downs, but since we've been together almost 30 years, why wouldn't we?
So why have an A? Well, because my AP was there. I knew him, trusted him, respected him, and was friendly with him. He wasn't my DH. Suddenly one day there was a spark, and he was interested in me and I was interested in him, and we were curious as to where it would lead. He's different in some ways from DH and similar to him in others. The core values held by DH, AP, his wife, and me are all the same. I'd marry AP in a heartbeat if I weren't already married, and vice versa. I feel as secure and loved with him as I do with DH. We manage to spend a lot of time together, and he and DH are my two best friends. We've been together for years, and if we outlive our spouses, we'll marry.
To those who say, "If you are unhappy in your marriage, end it before you start with someone else," or, "No one can love two people at the same time" - I say, did you get rid of your first child when your second one came along, or did you find different ways to love them equally? Then what makes you think no one can love more than one person? Just because MOST people think they themselves can't love more than one person, and just because society says you SHOULD only love one person, doesn't mean that's the way everyone is made.
You are so right esspecially with the annalogy of loving the second child. I too am in love with AP no doubt and I do believe he is with me. I also do love my H on some level, just not as much as I do AP at this point. My marriage has changed over the 21 years and so have he and I so it is not the same as it was in the beginning. That is where the AP comes in.
As for the "family values" the four of us, AP,H,AP wife and myself, we all are on the same page. Hell- his wife and I go shopping together and talk about the kids and family. Obvously both she and my H are unaware of the relationship of AP and I. AP and I also know that the world as we know it would implode if anyone found out about
To those who say, "If you are unhappy in your marriage, end it before you start with someone else," or, "No one can love two people at the same time" - I say, did you get rid of your first child when your second one came along, or did you find different ways to love them equally?
I definitely do not agree with this.
"When I chose to pursue the affair rather than keeping my vows, IMO, I stopped loving my exh then and there. If I did, I wouldn't have done what I did, knowing it would hurt him tremendously."
That's exactly where I'm at right now. I stopped loving my h when I broke my vows. And I want to ask, how do I keep my vows when he didn't keep his? I want to ask this over and over and over, but for me, the bottom line is that *I* didn't keep my vows and they were vows I made. I'm miserable in my marriage, for a number of reasons. I actually keep hoping he'll take a swing at me, just once. Then, I'd be justified. But instead, he's just emotionally abusive, and I think part of the time, he really doesn't realize it. He withheld affection and attention from me, he starved me out. But I didn't leave, because of my vows, for a long time. Now, I'm not so sure. My promise is my promise, regardless of what he does, but I wouldn't have made the promise if I'd have known this was gonna happen.
I'm confused, too. My marriage isn't happy.
I'm miserable in my marriage, for a number of reasons. I actually keep hoping he'll take a swing at me, just once. Then, I'd be justified.
I know exactly what you're talking about there.
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