Happily married in an affair - help me understand this please

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2010
Happily married in an affair - help me understand this please
15
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 8:28pm

I briefly mentioned this in another post but felt it deserved it's own thread.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010

I'm always curious about that, too.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2009

Evidently some people are capable of being in love with more than one person at a time. We should expect humans to have evolved behaviors that cause less-than-perfect monogamy, seeing as there is some probability that this causes their reproductive output to increase. Even among the most monogamous species of all -- song birds -- both males and females occasionally sneak off and mate with a neighboring birds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010

My H and I have grown apart due to work schedules, kids and such

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010

Here is my 2cents..

I love my H and I am in love with my AP. My H is a good man, but lacks a certain something. My M is good, for the most part, but obviously it was lacking something in order for me to get involved with AP in the first place

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Being with AP made me happier at home. I know ,strange , right? But it made me be able to accept the lack of attention at times, at home, because I was getting the attention from AP. I guess AP fills a certain something in me that my H cant fill. They are very different men, but good men, in their own ways.

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Tangled, you just hit the nail on the head....I am happier now at home because of AP...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009

my xAP always used to tell me: "I love my wife more than I love you" and "we have a good sex life" and "we have a very good marriage" and one time, when we were fighting and I asked, he replied: "Indeed, I don't need you to be happy, I have a great marriage."

?????

Then WHY come to me all the time????? Thinking I will be stupid enough to have sex with him again??? How stupid can a person be to say all that stuff and still think that another woman will have sex with him???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2010

Tangledmess spoke for me too.

I became vulnerable to having A through deficits in the marraige. I have worked hard and continue to work hard to gain ground in my marriage. But my H doesn't meet all my needs. The A was emotional for years, then when it became a PA I had to contend with the attraction of being with my AP. He is a different lover than my H, totally different which creates a new framework of desire/need because my H cannot be that style of lover. So my AP fills niches of need not met by my H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010

Then WHY come to me all the time????? Thinking I will be stupid enough to have sex with him again??? How stupid can a person be to say all that stuff and still think that another woman will have sex with him???

He's really not stupid at all. He has a great s*x life at home with his W, a good M and a wonderful woman on the side servicing him. He's telling you the truth and YOU still allow him to have s*x with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010

My POV maynot be of any help but I will chimw in anywho. My M is a routine M . Our 2 kids are adults and have their own settled lives with babies.My H is busy with his life -- works as a plumber with business going down these days but he hasnt gone nuts or grumpy.He is quite a laid back guy.So,its not that bad but no excitement or anything anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009

Hi Mom, I am NOT allowing him to have sex with him. I don't.

He just comes by every now and then to give it another try (neighbor)

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