Happy Thursday! A poll..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Happy Thursday! A poll..
11
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 6:01am
Buenos dias, chicas. I am getting used to this new format, though I'm still not crazy about it. I hope you all have a glorious Thursday! Here's a poll... admittedly, it's a little self-involved! But I am curious... as some of you read, I finally asked OM to lunch and he said yes... kind of. So my question is:

Whether in your current relationship or a past one, did you ever make the first move? Did you ever make a move and have it go nowhere? (How did you deal with that?)

Enjoy your day. Pamper yourselves.

-lily

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 6:22am
I never made the first move, EVER, until with MM. hee hee Not that I have seen many men before I got married or anything. My H was the one to pursue me for our marriage, so I did not have do any work there. One friend I had before I got married, was one who pursued me and he was the one who ended it. No regrets there, we were both young. LOL

As far as how I handled my MM's reaction to my first move, I have to say it was heart breaking. He has always brushed off my advances (if you can call them that) or ignored them. So I have learned to let him make the first move and then react to it. Now, it suits me perfectly, to have him make the advance as I have 1) little time in my present situation 2) what him to know how hard it is to find the person at the other end of the communication line is not even reacting, let alone, if his reaction was positive or negative. I may sound a little angry and kind of holding a grudge, but I do not. It was definitely an new experience for me.... LOL All in the game of love... lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 6:32am
He made the very first move (excluding flriting which we both did shamelessly) and since then I have made a move on two occations and he has on the rest...Although i wish I had the nerve to...last night we were both out in town for meetings and I was dieing to call him to meet afterwards...he always goes out after...but I never did...was too afraid he would say he couldn't, wouldn't whatever.....(although I really doubt he would have said no)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 7:40am
With OM I made the first move in admitting I had feelings for him. I just came out and told him and then expected him to freak out. He told me he felt the same way and I had just beaten him in telling me...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 8:13am
Good morning,

i did make the first move in a way let me explain my mm told me his wife was going out of town, and we had never spent more than 2 hours together at that point in time it was always on lunch or after work for a few short hours, so this would be great so i rented a room and told him and he got cold feet but after a very direct and straight up talk he agreed and it was great and after he said thanks for taking the first steps to get us together i new you would. he is so sweet lol.

princess

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 8:45am
I have made the first move a few times. With my H I made the first move. I asked him if he wanted to go bowling. We went with a few other friends so I wasn't entirely as if it were an official date. Later though - I kissed him first. He's not very confidant and I could tell he wanted to kiss but was afraid to so I just leaned over and gave him a solid peck on the lips. That's all the sign he needed. Also with MM we met in a chat room. I sent out a general message - I was just looking for guys to flirt with and talk to. He along with 5 other guys IM'd me. He stood out because he caught the meaning in my ID name - It was in French and he caught the idea behind it immediately. After that he didn't initiate any conversations for a day or two. I IM'd him then and now he tells me he had already decided that he wasn't going to talk to me. The fact that I IM'd him after about 2 days and was interested in talking more caught his attention.

TIGERnME
Avatar for babeslvr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 8:45am
wow there were some of us talking last night about this. my MM has yet to kiss me. so i am making the first move. i plan to knock his socks off, and any thing else that is in the way. lol i am going to make him feel things i know he doesnt want to feel. and i am going to love every second of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 8:55am
Does anyone realize what a turn on it is to a man to be pursued by a woman? I have found it to be best to achieve balance between being agressive and being reserved. Just be suggestive to him, give him something to think about. More or less being flirtascious and letting him take it from there, it's like leading him where you want him...

With my OM I never make the first move. I dont even advance toward him with a kiss/hug him when I see him, I wait until he kisses me. Perhaps that's not the best thing 100% of the time. I have been contemplating just laying a huge kiss on him next time I see him and if I know him as well as I think I do he will LOVE it, it is certain to catch him totally off guard...variety ladies...they love it, shock him with the unexpected!

Happy Thursday Everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 9:26am
Gutten Tag meine Dame (und Herren)! The only thing I do not like about this format is the posts float and posts with new responses go to the top, making it easy to miss some.

In past relationships although I would let a guy know I was interested, I would never ask him out, and that is because I was too shy. I'm not shy now, lol, but with MM I couldn't bring myself to open discussion of a possibility of change in the friendship because we are both M and to complicate things know each other's families; we had discussed our spouses' EMAs and our thoughts about it, and even though I'd changed my thoughts I didn't know he had - I guess I didn't want to risk losing his respect for me.

*If* your OM declines a lunch with you, and because he probably feels the "pull" too, it may be because he is hesitant because you are M - not necesssarily because he has interests elsewhere or not nessarily because he's isn't attracted to you. Some have responded to you before that you should subtly let him know of your interest, and maybe you should also find a way to subtly indicate that your M is not fulfilling in all ways.

JMHO based on my own experiences and not necessarily right for anyone else's situation (my disclaimer, lol).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:48am
With my H I initiated, flirted, then backed off and let him pursue.

With MM I called him for business (but to really see how he was after a few years of not doing business bc I could never look eye to eye w/ him, something about how he looks at me). When we talked (after 4 yrs) he immediately confessed to always having a crush on me. I had one on him too but dismissed it since we're both M and his W just gave birth to their 2nd kid. Now it seems I'm doing the initiating if we're gonna meet and so I decided against that since he told me Monday we can't do this anymore bc of his son's new found connection w/ this church and MM feels he has to 'live right'. Will post update separately.

Avatar for secrets86
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:17pm
I have always been (somewhat lucky enough to be) the girl that

never HAD to make the 1st move b/c the guy always did. In all

of my past relationships, my ex bf's were the ones who made the

first move to take things a step up from a friendship to something

more. With my OM... it happened out of nowhere. We saw each other

after a few wks of not seeing each other and it was as if we saw

each other for the first time. We just had a completely diff. vibe.

Everyone said we were flirting from the minute we saw each other

and I honestly didn't think we were at that time. I think that the

first night our friendship chgd into the relationship it is now, it

was honestly on both of our parts at the same exact time. As far

as our first kiss, that was initiated by him.

With my guy friend I have been interested in for quite a while, we

have talked about things once we've had a few drinks in us and have

had 2 nights where we have hooked up... but I plan on talking to him

(sober) as soon as he and I get a moment alone... which is hopefully

soon. I don't really expect us to date or anything, I kind of expect

things to stay as they are now, but I will be the one taking the

initiative to talk about things b/w him and I. (Which will be the 1st

time I've "made the 1st move" so I'm actually kind of looking fwd to

do it, if for nothing else, to show myself I can do it w/o being a dork

about it! haha)

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