This is the hardest my life has been :-(
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 11-07-2003 - 10:31am |
I have somewhat of an unusual set of circumstances here. I'll try to be as general and breif as possible with the details.
I'm married 9 years with children. He's married less time, no children. We meet online - a message board about our shared interest. It starts slow...emails to chatting to an arranged meeting. This was my first affair, not his. We live halfway across the country from each other. We fell in love before we met...confirmed it and can't stop saying it since. Our first meeting was 6 months ago, we've had 2 meeting since then (totalling 2 weeks together)and another one planned next weekend. A month ago he and his wife have separated. We talk via phone, email and chat on a daily basis. My H knows about the A, and because he doesn't want to upset our family, has allowed it to continue on an intermitten basis, knowing I can't leave my kids. I want out, but I'm not willing to leave my children. My MM has asked me to marry him. He's willing to take care of me and my children (never met them) I'm so incredibly confused. First of all, for my MM to marry me, he has to leave his VERY good job in a city he loves - move to a new city, for less money to take care of kids he doesn't even know. And he would in a heartbeat if I asked him to. I can't do that to him, or my children. My H is incredible. He takes care of me (I'm a stay at home mom) he treats me like a queen. He's the BEST father a mom could hope for her kids. He makes great money, just bought me a big new house and I'm the most ungrateful, heartless, emotionless wife on the planet. I feel terrible - but I'm not in love with him, and he knows it. I want my MM to be happy - to have a chance to have a happy marriage (which he didn't) and raise a family and just have a good life. I understand it's almost impossible with me, and I've encouraged him to find someone new - It's hard to even stomach the thought of it, but there is NO good answer here. Obviously this situation can't go on forever. Eventually something has to give. I'm heartbroken at the thought of my MM moving on to someone else, we are truly and deeply devoted to each other. My H is waiting for the day for all this to be over and behind us, and I am dreading that day. I'm so totally confused - I feel my chance slipping away. I think D is inevitable between my MM and his W - then he's free, and I'll still be here taking care of my number one priority - my kids, whose happiness I will always put before mine.
thanks for listening.
| Fri, 11-07-2003 - 12:22pm |
