has anyone ever divorced their H for AP

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
has anyone ever divorced their H for AP
25
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 9:39pm
I was wondering if anyone has ever divorced their h for their AP. Did it work out? Any regrets? I would love to hear your story. I am M with 3 kids. So lost. Love my H just not in love with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2010
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 8:19pm
hi
i read some of your post
i am a MM who left a W for her
i posted an article - affair not going anywhere-
i hope you can give a piece or 2 of head jolting advise
i really do want to wake up and really do want this A succeed
now i'm between waking up or continue to dream
this is the most difficult part
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 9:20pm
"A man who is worthy of the sacrifice you are making (and vice versa)." true true.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Wed, 02-10-2010 - 9:35pm
so your AP/BF As the name suggests is still married?
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2010
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 7:25am

Well Lexi i think I'm the biggest dumbass that ever lived!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 9:28pm

hi k2,

Yeah, he's still married. They basically live separate lives, she stays in her bedroom, he lives in the basement. I feel that I'm really in competition with his house, not his wife...it's frustrating beyond belief. Don't know how long I can deal with the situation as is, but I love him beyond belief and WON'T give him up.

benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 3:06am
I know a married couple that lives like that, she stays in the bedroom, he lives in the basement. They have been married more than 40 years, and it's more or less been like that the entire time. He's awful to her, but she's committed to the marriage, so I guess that's that, right? I'm sure it's not the same people, it just struck me as odd in the description. They also pay separate bills, one pays the mortgage, the other the utilities, they split groceries, the split who buys gifts for which people in the family. I couldn't live like that....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 12:35pm

Hi magentabluegoddess,

Nope! Not the same people (lol) My guy's only been married for 27 years! Funny thing about that...if I hadn't left my H, we would have had AP/BF and his W beat by about six months. The strange correlations we think of, eh?

I think AP probably takes care of everything, she seems a trifle spinny (always losing keys, putting perishables in funny places and forgetting about them, etc.).

Come to think of it, my parents lived the same way as AP and his W. Dad had the bedroom, Mom slept on the couch...and never the twain shall meet! It started happening to me and my ex-h as well, we moved out of the place we'd been in for 18 years...kids had grown and gone ~ I ended up taking the extra bedroom for myself. Ostensibly because a) H snored, and b) he had restless leg syndrome and he smelled. I'm thinking now that it was just the beginning of the end for our M.

I love sleeping with AP/BF...yes, he snores (I find it endearing)..he wakes up all the time, therefore I do too. It's just a whole different vibe.

I guess what I'm saying is that I couldn't live like that either, which is probably why I had the A and left hubby.

After watching my parents (who were so obviously unhappy with each other) I realized that I just couldn't/wouldn't do that to myself. Life is just too short and I want PASSION in my life, which I have in spades with AP/BF.

benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2010
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 12:02am
Dear lexi71 and all
Am in the very same position. Husband very loving and desperate to keep me and all he's worked for etc.. I am in love and have been for years with my AP. Husband found out about it 2 yrs ago and we had loads of counseling but to no avail (me anyway).
At times I feel wretched about it all, and wonder if I'm still with my husband and kids because its just comfortable, or because I can't bear to hurt them by upsetting everything, purely because I 'selfishly' want to be with someone else. Should I be honest with myself and everyone around me and leave my situation? or should I stick it out, hope to God my feelings for my AP diminish (pretty sure they wont!) to the detriment of my mental health and happiness!!!!
My husband is such a good man, I am loathe to hurt him, but reckon he'd be better off without me. I always thought I was quite a nice person - I seem to have massive guilt about what I am doing ( its mostly emailing!!) but cannot stop. Any help greatly appreciated!
xx
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 9:11pm

I am going through the exact same thing as you . OMG I had chills as I read your post. I could of written it myself. I would love to chat with you through email. I can tell you that I am in the EXACT same situation as you are. I have so much to tell you and I am so interested in what you are going through . I really hope you email me because I understand. livlafluv200771@yahoo.com


Cant wait to hear from you, Keep your chin up, you are NOT alone :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 9:19pm

I am struggling every day. My husband is now living outside the home and he is so sad, crying every day trying so hard. I worry that pitty will make me miss out on who I really love. Its an awful feeling I am sick over it . My whole lifestyle will change, my convience will be gone only to struggle with 3 kids, work my butt off just to be able to feel in love like I have always dreamed of. I weigh it out every day over and over, convience , money or LOVE ? You are not alone , I cannot believe the pain that is felt on my end. I think its worse than being the one to recieve the news because I have a choice, Im risking alot and disrupting many lives not just my own, To live with that is making me miserable. I wish I was on the recieving end and had no choice in the matter. I totally understand what you are going through, I cry alot when I think of my husband I feel so bad for him that I cant touch him, He was so distant and cold to me when I begged and the resentment has made it impossible for me to be physical with him There is no emotional connection although he tries everyday to make it up to me. Its an awful feeling. I would love to talk with you . Maybe we could help each other feel peace some how.