has anyone ever divorced their H for AP

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
has anyone ever divorced their H for AP
25
Thu, 01-21-2010 - 9:39pm
I was wondering if anyone has ever divorced their h for their AP. Did it work out? Any regrets? I would love to hear your story. I am M with 3 kids. So lost. Love my H just not in love with him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 02-14-2010 - 11:20pm
boy, you guys are really going through a hard time, though. i am so sorry. you really all need to link up and talk over everything. as you all know, talking really helps.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 11:07pm
Hi.... I'm in the same boat.... It's nuts.. I'm confused and crazy....
I started up an affair last May and I thought that it was just a fling, but feelings deepened and he basically became what my husband wasn't.. See my hubby used to go and hang around with his mates and leave my son and I out completely. I used to complain about his behavior and ask him to spend more time with us as a family. When i got the vibe he wasn't interested in being with us, I decided to start doing my own thing, which also included this affair. My 'lover' was more than just great sex.. he treated me right, listened to me, talked to me and was there whenever i needed him. Soon I was calling him for everything and my hubby was left somewhere in the background.
I told the husband 3 weeks ago that i wasn't in love with him anymore and listed the reasons i didn't want to be with him, all the reasons except the fact I'm in love with someone else. He'd kill me and shame me for that.. I can't do that to the ppl i care about- my family. When i ran the idea of leaving hubby by them, they nearly died. So I'm torn... do the right thing or just be happy? Loverboy is dying to be with me but he's not pushing me to make a decision. He knows whats at stake and for that i love and adore him more. Hes also told me that he's ok with whatever decision i make. Husband has gotten his behind into gear and is now telling me how much i mean to him and if he loses me, he'll lose it all.. I can't bring myself to get back to him...even his touch or when he's holding me doesn't mean anything. I know he loves me but when I was crumbling, he wasn't there and that's the one thing i can't get over. or maybe i don't want to get over coz i'm so lost in loverboy. it's crazy....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2010
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 10:31am

Hi Keiko_ds


I can really feel for you and many woman on this board are going thru the same things we are going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2009
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 1:37pm

Hi Ladies,


As I sit here and read through all of these posts, my heart hurts for each and every one of you. I have been in your shoes. I have felt exactly what yall are feeling. This is going to be long, but detailed as to what I went through before I left my exH for AP.


My BF/AP and I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years now. I was married 8 1/2 years when we divorced but together a little over 10 years. I do have a dd who is soon to be 4 thrown in the mix.


My exH was a man who was so wrapped up in his career, he wouldn't take time to spend with me and dd. I would cry my eyes out begging for him to stay home with us, to do things with us, and most of all to show me that he loves me. He would tell me stop being a cry baby and just get over it. He would tell me that he didn't care how I felt and again just needed to get over it. I put myself through years of counseling trying to figure out how I could keep my family together and trying to learn to deal and live with a man that didn't care about me, so he said. He belittled me all of the time. Never helped around the house, which I never hardly asked for help at all. I would even get outside and bust my butt doing all the yard work if he was working. His job consists of 24 hour shifts. So he was gone a lot. He felt the need to have 3 jobs for some reason. We weren't in a financial bind for that at all. Yet he does still have a problem with credit cards. Finally after being pushed away for so long my emotions and feelings towards him disappeared. It turned to where I LOVED when he was at work. I loved every min he was gone and I hated when he was home. I couldn't stand making love to him when he demanded that I do. But I would choke it up and pretend that I enjoyed it. I cringed at every touch, kiss, hug, etc. I just couldn't take it. I wanted to leave my marriage so bad but I was so afraid of the change. Financially I wouldn't be able to support my dd and I. I felt I was so stuck and I just had to learn to deal with it regardless of how horrible he made me feel and how horrible he treated me.

cntrygirl03
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Thu, 02-25-2010 - 11:32pm
wow, countrygirl, i hope everyone learns from your experience. you really need to continue counselling them. they need your help. boy oh boy. its rough for you ladies.
k2002
k2002

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