Has anyone ever thought of this

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Has anyone ever thought of this
14
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 10:28am
I know right now we feel pretty comfortable with the realtionship we have with MM, MW, OM, OW. What happens "IF" things take a turn for the worst. "IF" there is a bad breakup, things get ugly. I know you can't speak for the other party. What "IF" they try to do you harm, or be revengful, or hurt you. Meaning if they get mad, because of the breakup, and tell your spouse, and actually have the proof, that there was an EMA. Sometimes these breakups get out of hand. Do you have any damage control in place?

Have you thought about how you would protect yourself?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 9:31pm
Hi secret,

Haven't read what anyone else has to say... thought I'd add mine before I do. You are right and no one can really know will happen and what the other person will do.

As for me... I have no damage control in place... and with being caught once... I very much doubt that DH would put up with it again... but who's to say there either. I have a lot of faith and trust in MM and our relationship... and I know that should I decide to end it... he will walk away and give me that... that's him and I know it to be him. I would do the same... as hard as it may be... if that's what he wanted. We have a friendship... first and foremost and that's what the relationship is taken at... so when misunderstandings occur and they have from time to time over the years... I know to tell him when I went wrong... if it was my fault. We always talk things through.

One can never really know what will happen... and I'm not sure there is a lot that you can do to prevent it.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 9:35pm
Secretluver-Didn't that make you furious? I think I would have told him where to go and how fast to go there. I probably wouldn't have told her who I was. I probably would have made up some stupid excuse. I'm pretty good in a tense situation. Anyhow, even if he's afraid of her taking his dd, then he should take her to court and do whatever it takes to keep her from ruling his life. Because if he lets her get away with scaring him that way, he will forever be her prisnor. She can't control who he dates if they aren't together. He needs to make that point clear. She's probably just doing those things because they work on him. I would probably think about your r with mm, because he seems like you aren't important enough to stand up for. I don't know that's just my opinion & since I don't have all of the facts I'm just guessing. Anyhow, I just wondered.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 9:21am
I have seen more than the "nice, quiet, reserved side" of my OM. I have seen him in some extremely frustrating situations. He is not a yeller - when he gets mad, he gets even quieter and more serious. You know not to mess with him. But he is not afraid of anyone.

Now, his W is a different story. But that's not what you asked about - you asked what if things fell apart and the OM became vengeful. (At least I think you did - that was last week!)

Obviously, OM and I do everything to ensure that our spouses don't find out. We have good work-related reasons for all our contact, and we don't do anything that can't be explained through work. We have already discussed what would happen if our spouses found out, and obviously our first obligation is to the people we first promised to spend our lives with and have children with. If the you-know-what hit the fan and his wife found out, yes, I would be out of the picture, at least for a while. But if you don't leave tracks via email, cell phone, or voice mail and you're extremely discreet about seeing each other, it's unlikely that she is going to find out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 9:24am
I agree completely, RH. When I posted something similar about trust a couple of months ago, you'd have thought I was insane, judging by the flames (a few people did agree with me, though).

He could end it all in a second. But why would I waste my time or risk my life for someone who would do that? Before we had our relationship, I already depended on him for and trusted him with many, many things - really, my whole life. "Can I trust him?" was seriously the least important question when our relationship started.

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