Hate being OW
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| Thu, 11-20-2008 - 6:25pm |
I just discovered this board maybe a week ago. You all have no idea how much reading your posts have helped me. I have felt so alone since this A began almost 3 years ago.
I think reading your posts have given me the courage to begin to take steps to end the A. I am tired of being alone on the weekends while he is with his family. I am single. I am tired of being alone on holidays. We love each other very much-he was separated when we met. His W has cancer, he has stayed with her while she goes through treatments. From what I have learned over the years they are more friends than anything. I was in a marriage like that previously so I understand. We talked just a couple of weeks ago about how much longer it would be until we can be together. Really just waiting on her to be healthy again.
I am angry because I haven't heard from him, although I know it has nothing to do with me. He really has his hands full w/ 3 kids-all teens, working and a sick wife. I just cannot get why he can't find 2 minutes to text me. I am just over it all-even though I cannot imagine my life without him. I hate being second--I guess I am actually like 5th since the 3 kids come first, then W and then me. I'm ok w/ the kids part, but I hate being OW. I absolutely hate it.
Oh well. I guess I am just venting (rambling). We will see how I do with my own NC rule.

Being single and involved with MM is a lonely journey...I was M when my A started, separated since then and it felt much worse after separation..you have too much time when they are busy with their family. 3 years is a long time...I hate to say it, but if he did not leave by this time, he probably never will...Good luck, we are here to support you in whatever you decide.
(((Hugs)))
Vivacious
Edited 6/16/2009 6:31 am ET by theeternal
Thanks so much to you both. This is the first time I have ever engaged in an A. I thought that I'd never be in this situation--have never been tolerant of people involved in As. Imagine my surprise to find myself in one! Vivacious--my head tells me just about every day you are right--he'll never leave---my heart so wants to believe otherwise. When we found out about W illness he went back to her. He continues to try to support her. We see each other when we can-a little different- he travels for work so we always have overnights--just a week ago in fact. We try to see each other about ever 4-6 weeks-lately its been a little bit more often.
I need to delete all my sweet little texts that I save to look over when I am feeling insecure. I need to do more than just tell him I need time to sort out my thoughts. I need to do so much more to move on with my life.
I IM him the other night and said what you doing--the response I got was homework--who is this? I almost had a stroke. He answered me back and said I see you met my son--blah blah blah. I don't want his children to find out about us and disrespect their dad. Oh what a mess....Thanks y'all for listening! I feel better just being able to talk to people going through what I am--helps tremendously.