Hate feeling this way....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Hate feeling this way....
14
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 9:11pm
well... here I am at the time I always hate... I'm in a down mood... I expect it every so often and although I think I prepared and can handle it... I can't!

I don't get this way too often... thank god! but when I do... I just feel like I could cry at the drop of a hat.

I had a wonderful day with MM last week and now this week... I'm preparing for a week of N/C due to school holidays and him taking time off work to spend with his family. Don't get me wrong... I'm always happy for him when he does this... he works hard so why shouldn't he? in many ways I'm envious that they can do this... getting DH to go anywhere is like pulling teeth.

But with the week off... he's been busy sorting out things at work... and of course is distant... I realise he's just run off his feet and I make sure that I understand... but it still can be hard. I have plenty to keep me busy and I know once today is over... I'll pick up again and more than likely be just fine.

It's times like this I sit and wonder... why??? but then I stop and think that these times are actually few and far inbetween and the good times certainly does outweigh it all.

I know I'm not... but I feel very weak when I reach this point... and it's not a place I really like to be. I like to know my mind and know I'm strong... but then a good cry never hurt anyone.

aaahhhh... just needed to get that out of my system and hopefully get back on track for the day.

if you got this far... thanks for listening...

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 9:36pm
Hi Sweet

So sorry to hear you are feeling down. Actually, it's hard for me to read your post (not trying to drag you further down!) as I know enough about your situation to know that you have been in this relationship for quite some time. It obviously does not get easier in that respect. Not very reassuring - but life in an EMA I guess. I am wondering just how long I will be able to handle the ups n downs (since it has only been 5 months for me)!

I do have a question though...when he is distant (and spending time with his family) do you still feel as if things could end at any moment - that he might just change his mind somehow or for some reason? I am always preparing myself for that possibilty. I am wondering if THAT feeling/fear has subsided with time.

Hang in there and try to do something just for YOU today!

C

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 10:11pm
Oh, Sweet. Sorry you're having such a rough one. You know you're right that tomorrow will be lots better. And the day after that, better still. But that doesn't mean today wasn't a pisser, huh? {{{HUGS}}} Remember what we tell the kids....the sooner you get to sleep, the sooner tomorrow will get here, lol!! Hope you're in bed, now. (Assuming you live in a time zone where that makes sense, lol) Somedays, that's the best thing for it...end it early and go to bed!!!

Hope tomorrow *is* lots better.

Another BIG {{{HUG}}} my friend!

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 10:29pm
Awwww, Sweet~

I'm so sorry that today was so hard and your feeling so down. I know as well as you, we are to suspect these days because they do have a family...but it doesn't make it any easier.... (HUGS girlfriend) Those days are so hard. I hope that in the next couple of days you'll see the sunshine again and have a smile on your face!

Have a good cry and know we're here for you ~

~Wishing~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 11:27pm
Why is it "of course" he is distant? Why can't he be expected to drop you a few words of encouragement here and there while he gets his work done?? I don't understand why it is expected or acceptable for him to be distant. If he wants to keep sleeping with you, he should have to work a bit for it, dont you think? Instead of expecting to of course be distant, why not expect him to of course be loving? Not that it would change his behavior, but it might make you turn off to him when he gets this way, instead of being all sentimental and sappy about him. I think his behavior STINKS.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 12:02am
Hi C,

I guess it doesn't really get easier over time... although by understanding our relationship and accepting it for what it is... has in some ways made it easier for me.

As for your question... to be honest... no... it's never crossed my mind. We've both had holidays away with our families and if at all we can contact... we will... but for the most part... it's safer that we don't. So instead of letting it get to us... we just accept that, that is the way it's supposed to be.

I know that he enjoys time spent with his children... and even his wife... but I also know that he enjoys the time that we have together... otherwise he wouldn't go to the effort that he does to be with me... and you will know as well as me... it's not easy when both parties are married. So... I take comfort in knowing that he will call or email me and see me... as soon as it's possible for him and me... he will never jeapodise my marriage by trying to call when he is not sure.

Thanks for thinking of me... although not fantastic... I'm a little better than this morning and with another email from MM that is more like his usual self... I'm doing ok.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 12:06am
Hey Lucky,

Thanks for those hugs... I really needed them... they certainly helped :)

I wish I could just jump into bed right now... but at only 2pm... with two kiddies to look after... what would my chances be *lol*

I'm already feeling much better than before... and am sure that by tomorrow dawns I will be back to my usual self... at least I damn well hope so!

thanks for being here and being a friend...

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 12:10am
Hey Wishing,

Thanks hon... I tell you... those hugs are doing me wonders. It's nice to know that I have friends and somewhere there for me... even though I don't know your names and faces... it's still nice to know :)

Most of the time I'm ok and very happy with what MM and I have... but there are the times... like today... that all sanity just goes out the window and I just wish things could be so different. I think it's just a natural flow and ebb of my hormones and emotions.

All will be normal soon enough... at least I hope so!

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 12:27am
oh Yoga... I have to say... you have it all wrong...

sit back and smell the flowers... they can't all be sweet and rosey in an EMA... some of them are just going to stink! :)

Of course he's distant... he's a business man... with a hell of a lot to do before he finishes work tonight and heads home for a small break that he well and truly deserves. Hell! while I may now be a SAHM... I was once a working woman... and I remember it all too well... and if I was doing what he's doing right now... I'd never get anything done!

I've had two emails today... one this morning and one this afternoon... fitted inbetween a 2 hour meeting and an urgent task that is required to be done before the days end. Not to mention that he doesn't exactly have an office of his own... and anyone walking by could quite easily see what he is doing.

Maybe distant wasn't the right word... I don't know... he's emails were short and sharp... and I presume it's because he's rushed to get it through... I know that I haven't done anything wrong... so it's not me... and there are only two reasons for his emails to be this way... when he's busy... or when he's sick. The last one was more normal for him... and I think that he's realised that I did need something more... and after two days... he's finally really made me smile and laugh... something that usually happens on a daily basis.

And I must say... he works for it... I do occassionally get distant with him... and he will pick up on it straight away... but with being busy and getting ready for a break... I'm not exactly his number one focus... and as I've said before... I'm ok with that... for when he returns... I know for a time... I will be.

Besides... he doesn't push me when the tables are turned... he will sit back and wait until I have things in order from my end... doesn't mean he doesn't think of me, as I quite often find an email from him when I least expect it.

My belief is that good things will come to those who wait... and that patience is a virture... and it works for me.

Chill out... I will have by tomorrow when I've dealt with this and moved on once again.

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 2:44pm
Feeling better? Hope so!! Let us know when the clouds clear.






 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 3:14pm
Hey Sweet... been there and know exactly what it's like. No matter how much I know he loves me, and no matter how much I want him to be happy, and no matter how much he and his wife deserve that vacation, it hurts to be sitting on the sidelines while he's working his ass off during the week before vacation - at the very time when I want to soak up as much of him as I can before he goes away.

The odd thing I realized after his last vacation is how much he worries, when he's gone, that *I* will leave him. . . and how much more he misses me when he's on vacation than I miss him. After all, I'm busy with work and family. . . he's the one sitting on the beach with nothing to do.

Hope you're feeling better today. Venting the things we can't say anywhere else. . . that's what this board is for.

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