Hate going to work

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Hate going to work
11
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 6:09am
Had a good weekend, despite having MM on my mind....now I just hate having to go to work today and actually see him. Part of me wants to choke him and part of me wants to hug and kiss him. Oh, well, 2 weeks going on 3 NC for me.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 12:18pm

I am in the same boat, pretty much. It's "over" between us and don't want it to be but then I am glad it is over.


What is your story?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 1:52pm
(( hugs ))
The EAS has some good tips on how to handle an xAP at the work place.I am sorry you are going thr this.
(( hugs ))
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 6:06pm
Hi, lifeisgoodalways..well, for some of the "oldies" here who know my story I can see them rolling their eyes as they start reading this..ha! I'm married was in a with MM....we are co-workers and started 1 1/2 ago...we were off and on, off and on, always because of him. He started it all by revealing his feelings for me and was the one all gung ho for us to divorce our spouses and be together...he loved me so much, wanted to marry me...he's been married for 20 years and does love and care for her because of the years they had together, but not happy and not IN love with her, but everytime he left her ( 6 times in a year and a half, the last time being a month ago) he couldn't handle the pressure of the guilt and financial consequences....he has an adult daughter and granddaughter that live at home and they factor into his guilt also. Anyway, this last time, his W filed for divorce and he went and got his own attorney also, then a week later, he's acting different, like all the times before and tells me that he feels he needs to be alone and have his space which I found odd because he admitted that he could not be alone, he couldn't handle being alone...he tried it before and couldnt do it. I asked him if he was doing this because he hoped she would take him back and he said no, they were getting divorced no matter what...well, that was 3 weeks ago and he's been avoiding me since then. Doesn't look at me, doesn't talk to me so I'm sure he went back to her, again. I know in my head that this man is not good for me, but my heart still loves him even though he's screwed me over so many times. I risked everything I have worked for and turned my life upside down for this man and he knew this but yet apparently has no problem turning his back on me, although he claims in the past it wasn't easy because he knew he had hurt me and knew everything was his fault....but, that's part of my story.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Mon, 04-27-2009 - 6:09pm
Thanks, funky...yeah, I've BTDT...read up on everything and it does help lift my spirits, but then when I actually get to work, the ole flood emotions all come back. I'm keeping my distance and staying NC...I've done it before for 3 months and broke it when he left me a note asking me to talk. I just pray everyday that he quits or gets fired...that would be the best thing that could happen right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 9:39am

Hey Gabby.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Tue, 04-28-2009 - 5:41pm
Hey, oxbell...thanks for your support....I appreciate it. I know true NC means never speaking to him again. I guess the last I broke it was because I had thought after 3 months of NC that he had really had time to THINK about what he really wanted but obviously not. His W and I allow him to behave like this and I know she will never change so I have to be the one to walk away for good. She can be the one who sits around and wonders where he's at, who he's with and what he's doing, not me. I can guarantee, even though I'm the only woman he ever left her for, I'm not the first he's screwed around with on her and I won't be the last.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 10:37am

Wow, that is quite the story, I am so sorry you've gone through so much, and you have to go to work every day and face him/it.....I don't think I could do it.


My situation is nothing like yours. Nothing even remotely close. This little "fling" started with a lot of flirting about 7-8 months ago, then we began being intimate February - we've never said I love you, we've never even gone all the way, we have shared our feelings and we've both stated we are not happy at home and that we would never leave our spouses mostly due to the fact we love our kids.


Now, I'm at the point of where I'm pretty well "over it" -- he was back and forth with me so much, saying how if we continue it will only get worse, we did that about 4-5 times, I then sent him an email saying I agreed and it is best we stay friends, I then went to see him in his office we talked about it, he said he agreed - then about 10 minutes after that he called me at my desk asked me to bring him something, I was sitting at one of his chairs and he was just getting off the phone wtih his W, and before I even could realize it - he was kissing me and doing "stuff" to me, he said no matter how many times he calls me or how many times I email him "this just won't go away"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 5:43pm
My advice.....DON"T GO THERE....DO NOT take things any further than they've already gone because things will be a lot worse....trust me.
MM would always tell me that every time he went back to his W he knew it was a mistake and was just as miserable as before because he knew he was still in love with me and couldn't get me out of his. He said he just knew in his heart that somehow, someway, we were going to be together, forever....yeah, well, he was always the one turning his back on me and walking away and it sounds like your AP is a lot like MM....knows what he wants, but doesn't have the balls to follow through. Again, turn and walk away and don't look back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 12:57pm

I dont' think I have to worry about that - it has been since the 3rd of April that we've been "close".....(yes he was out all last week and this week and yes he was flirting with me a bit a week after he ended it) but it's over and I know it should be and it is definitely for the best but for some reason today I am a bit sad and am missing him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 5:07pm
I don't know your situation but I feel for you... I used to work with AP and when we went through a time with no contact, it was heart wrenching to see him and not be talk to him, hold him... it was miserable...

Of course I acted like it didn't bother me and I would pretend never to even look his direction, but really all I could do is focus on him, where he was, what he was doing
Woman Rain Pictures, Images and Photos

Pages