Hating myself today! A new low for me.
Find a Conversation
Hating myself today! A new low for me.
| Wed, 09-02-2009 - 7:46pm |
I'm pretty new to this board. This is my first A with a MM and my first experience as an OW. Saw MM last night; he snuck me into his house about 11:30 p.m. and I stayed with him until about 1:30 a.m. We ended up having sex in his basement guest bedroom while his wife and daughter were asleep upstairs.

Pages
>> He told me he never wants this to end, that he doesn't care what happens as a result and doesn't care about the consequences<<
Well tell him to get a D and you can live together and do anything you want without you feeling like a low life. You know its wrong to do this to his W and i think it was a little bad taste to do it in his house while she & DD were upstairs asleep. Makes the scenario quite sleazy and i can understand how disgusted you feel with yourself.
A's are rarely without sneaking about but you both are pretty high profile members of the community. Maybe you should think next time what would happen to your careers if the sordid details ever came out. I would suggest to be more discreet next time and get a hotel if you wish to continue this. The heart wants what it wants and sometimes we are weak to resist. Being in love with a married man is also emotionally draining. It is not all your guilt to bear as he also knows the possible outcome of all this. (being a lawyer, im sure he knows the financial consequences if he was to ever get caught) Maybe if you feel so bad thats an internal sign that you are struggling with this more than feeling good with him pays out. I wish you luck and strength for the future.
Even if he doesn't have enough sense to think about his DD and W. You need to think about that innocent child who could have walked into the basement and found her father doing the awful deed another woman.
I know how you feel. My AP took me to his house on Saturday night for sex while his family was away - I have been there a few times but the urge to be with him and the excitement of the moment seems to cloud my judgement and I don't think of that a family lives there sometimes. This weekend it hit me - I saw the baby furniture (he just suddenly announced to me he is a dad again...thanks for forgetting to mention that over the past year we have been together!!) and thought of his spouse. I felt bad for her and I no longer want to be a part of potentially ruining the lives of two innocent children. I think its extremely bold and disrespectful on his part (and mine) to have been there, and have done what we did. I cried all the way home. I felt sick and used and ashamed for my part in this.
I'm not over him yet so I can't give any profound advice as I am still finding my way but can't see the good for a future...only a moment in time where you feel alive again only to be knocked down the rest of the time as you wait to be together again. Its agony and has destroyed me. And it could potentially destroy the lives of many others.
Kel -
Are we dating the same guy?
<<<
So this sounds like my affair with my MM and in the beginning it was exactly like that, he loved that I was jealous and he told me a bunch of crap like he wanted to have control over my mind, body & soul, and how he couldn't concentrate until he spoke to me, he couldn't get enough of me, he took risks to see me but this all ends and you will be surprised at how quickly it ends.
Lost...
OMG...wow, when I read your post, it does sound like we are with the same guy!!! I could not believe after all this time, when we have seen each other, talked on the phone, e-mailed, texted and I asked "What's new" that it didn't cross his mind to tell me that he was going to be a dad again. I always wondering if he was with "her" out of obligation, but finding out about another baby hit me hard because obviously its a planned family. I guess I had hope that he was in a bad situation and we might end up together. Delusional on my part. He is intensely private (almost weird) but I think he could have told me that bit of information!!! I cried all the way home on Saturday.
Like you said, I get jealous too. What does she have that I don't...I don't know much about her, have seen pictures. He makes me feel like I am the girl he always wanted. I guess he wants it all...wife at home with the little ones, girl on the side who jumps the minute he calls or texts.
I hope I can be as strong as you and take what I know and move on. He doesn't care, he's selfish...I feel bad for his spouse too.
Kel,
I really think we're dating the same guy! lol its happened before on MAS and this sounds too close to home... my xAP was immensely private person too.
Pages