to have an affair or not

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
to have an affair or not
4
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:08am
for most of my adult life i have had one bad relationship after another. most often i have learned that men only want me for sex.

the lst guy was wonderful tho he was only seperated. he ended up dumping me to go back to his wife.

fed up, i have decided that if sex is all guys want then fine. i'm tired of getting hurt and destroyed in relationships looking for the one. i just want a sexual relationship, no attachments just sex.

recently (well ok about a few yrs ago) a good friend of mine, a MM made it known that he is interested in me sexuall. we have talked about it, just being sex no attachements. even had cybersex.

thing is tho now i have been offered the chance to go through with an affair with him. i am attracted to him physically and from having my excellent sex life slam into a brick wall at 190 mph and been weeks since had anything, it is so very tempting.

from all you ladies out there. is it worth it? should i go thru with it or not?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 8:19am
I'm not one of those people who are "good" at casual sex. I never have been. Are you good at it? I mean can you do the deed and just walk away each time with no emotional investment at all? You say he is a good friend...uh oh. I would say you would have to be a machine to be able to do that with a friend not have an attachment that would grow each time you were together. I would say no. I know what a high libido is like and it is easy for me to say to someone who isn't involved to just not do it, but I am also in an EMA with an incredibly sexy man I can't stop thinking about, plus I am married. It is an emotional rollercoaster that will drive you nuts! You are single, find another single and enjoy, otherwise I would get myself a really good toy and take care of the libido problem that way. It's just a tough thing to be involved in and my advice is to avoid it at all costs.

I can't say for you if it would be "worth it"

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 9:33am
I would have to agree with dd. I am currently involved in an ema for sex only no strings, but we started as work friends. Actually we didn't even like each other at first, but long story..lol..

Anyway, been in an A for almost 1 1/2 yrs. MM is married for 1 y. and 7 mo. I've been married 5 yrs. It's just so easy to become emotionally attached. Right now I don't know what's going on with mm, but he's acting strange right now. I once told him LAST June that I thought I was falling for him, and he said "you knew we were both married when we started this" I said I know that's why we have to stop, but it didn't stop there. I told him that I couldn't concentrate on my marriage and be a mom. It's just emotionally draining. It takes everything out of you. I forget things, I forget b-day's sometimes to pay bills. He's on my mind everyday, night, and even when I'm intimate with H. (not that it's very often)!!LOL

Anyway, from someone who's going through with it right now, I would have to say I agree with dd. Get a good toy! I have one of those too when I'm not with H or mm, but it's just not worth going into the A. If I could do it all over I would have just ignored MM's comments about what he wanted to do with me sexually!! When my A ends, which I don't know if he's going to soon, he's acting weird, but I will be soo heartbroken, not cuz I think I love him, I don't, but it's just became a habit for us to meet for sex. When he called me to meet, it's like I was High and floating in the sky! it's like he controlled my emotions on how I felt that day! The part I don't like though is lying to H on where I'm going and having to say goodbye I love you and sometimes he wants a kiss before I go. That's really Hard!!!

so good luck to you and let us know what you decide and come back if you do decide to go on with it.. We're here no matter what..

chrissluver

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 10:18am
You'll never have 'just sex- no attachment'. One of you, inevitably WILL get attached. And when emotions come into play; well then you can join the rest of us on EMA roller-coaster. There are ALWAYS open seats...

Be careful and be true to yourself- you're worth more than 'just sex'.

<>

v.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 4:15pm
Oh Dear! If I had to do this all over.... I probably would opt not to. I love my MM, but the roller coaster, as stated, is very hard. You may start out just "having sex", but after a while there are many emotions that take place. Whether you begin to have them, or he does... they are inevitable.

If it is purely for the sex you need to be totally up front with the other person. Maybe that's all he wants too!?

Studies have proven that people enter affairs due to some type of void in their lives... (no sex at home, emotional void, no attention- ego boost, bored, revenge of H/W having an EMA) Maybe you need to do some soul searching first. It could spare your and his hearts.

Just be true to yourself! If you choose to have the affair we're all here to talk to. :)

Jen