Have to get this out, can't tell anyone
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| Tue, 10-07-2003 - 6:50pm |
My MM is flying home thurs. night to get all the stuff his W packed and drive it back here in a van....he plans on getting back on Sun. night. then he will be 50 miles away at his new place...ugh.
Tonight and tomorrow night are our last two together while he's staying close to me. My car is really bad and I won't be able to drive to his new house, and we decided it might be too suspicious if he ever stayed here, and then came here on a different day with the W & K.
Here's the dilemma...I just started my monthly bill today, AHHHH...I am so P-Oed. (About 1/2 hour ago, to be exact). I told him it was coming soon, and we've pretty much been "together" every night for the past 2 weeks or so. But this is it.... time is winding down.
Also reality is setting in. My fantasy world is crashing. He knows I'm having a hard time with the situation drawing nearer, and he wants me to come over so he can hold me (awww)...these may be our last two days alone. (he will probably be hanging out here at my place next week, but my DS is around, and we don't do anything near him).
I talked to his W on the phone, and I know we'll get along. I've already invited her out for my B-day. I want to tell him that's it, we are done fooling around, and can't ever again when she moves here, but in my heart I know I don't want that. We may only get 1 or 2 chances a year to be 100% alone, if we are lucky. We will still see each other everyday at work, but GAWD the friendship we have built is remarkable!!! Even though the sex is full of passion (isn't it always when it's naughty??) it's more like something we are just doing for fun...or because we can...but all the time in between that is also remarkable, I swear I've connected with this man in a way that I have never connected with anyone...we have developed SUCH a deep friendship. We really do talk about everything.
My ex even called me the other day, and I felt so comfortable telling MM about it, and he was like "Good, maybe you guys can work things out" and I asked him if he would be jealous, and he said "Of course I will, but I am only human, but we will be friends forever, and I want you to find someone who loves you and can take care of you." (another awww)
I really don't want a R with him besides a friendship and casual sex on the side. We are WAY too much alike to ever be able to stand each other if we were in a M...we both can tell that.
I AM feeling sad though, because I won't be able to talk to him for hours everyday...I'll miss that the most. The conversation just never stops...and it's so wonderful. His W would never ever understand if he sat around the house chatting away w/ me and paying no attention to her. We've decided to use a code word if we talk online, so she can't trick me. I have to think of something good.
Ok I guess that's it. I'll fill everyone in when his W arrives, I may have a breakdown, even though right now I don't feel like I will. But who knows? I'll probably cry, and he told me not to cry over him, that he's not going anywhere, but I will...I'm gonna miss him so much. I may cry tonight. I don't like crying. It makes me ugly for like 2 days. LOL
