Have I lost his friendship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Have I lost his friendship?
3
Fri, 10-10-2003 - 4:55pm
I am married with children and have a male friend who also is married with kids. In fact, we met through an activity our children share. Over time, we have developed a connection, and I have increasingly deep feelings for him. Right or wrong, I have reason to believe that the attraction is mutual, although he's the kind of guy you'd suspect would never cheat on his wife. Ironically, the fact that's such a great guy is part of the attraction. Absolutely nothing has happened between us. I made a bold move and expressed to him in a note that I think he is very attractive and fun to be with and that he sometimes makes me wish we weren't married to other people. Since that time, the only words he has said to me are polite "hellos" and "goodbyes." It is very, very obvious that he is making every effort to stay away from me so that I do not try to bring up a conversation. I feel so bad that I overstepped and have lost his friendship. I would much rather have him say, "Look, this has made me very uncomfortable. I am not interested. Let's keep our distance." Instead, he has grown silent and distant. I am just sick over this. Any advice or insight, particularly from guys?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 11:24am
I think you are reading him correctly -- he is saying by his actions that he's not

interested in more than a superficial relationship. He is backing off from your note -- keeping it at just hello and goodbye -- just to set a boundary. But in time, once he sees that you are still friendly, he may open up more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 11:40am
I dont understand why you expect him to communicate with you when you didnt communicate with him other than slipping him a note...would it have met with your approval if he had written you a note saying "no thanks"? His actions say it all...give him space - I dont forsee it ruining your friendship once he can see you are still comfortable just being a friend. Back to the same line "dont ask questions you cant handle the answers to" ...dont sweat it girl...being attracted to someone and admitting it isnt a sin...if he can't handle the compliment you gave him that's his problem! And the way you phrased your note didnt incline you wanted to spark up a hot steamy affair - you acknowledged your marriages and the limit that they place on the growth of your friendship...

Hang in there *hugs*

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 2:15pm
Honey his is telling you something. His actions speak louder than any words he might utter. It is common that married people fall in love with others outside the marriage. Mother nature is cruel when she creates the europhia that pulls a man or woman away from mates. You are probably not getting something from your husband, and you have fallen in love with a great guy, but did you ever think that he may be treating his wife as your husband is treating you? I had a husband like that, anyone who met him thought he was terrific, but he wasn't so terrific at home. Some people are like that. They are nice to their friends but takes their wives for granted.