Have no right to be devistated but I am
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Have no right to be devistated but I am
| Mon, 05-25-2009 - 2:23pm |
Being married, I know I have absolutely no right to dictate to my AP what he should do in his personal life. Even though we were friends before the A and after, my feelings are invested even though I tried to keep it distant and I just got news that broke my heart.
My AP recently broke up with a girlfriend of a year and a half. It wasn't going well, and he started dating her two months after his wife of 12 years passed away. Now that he's single, he needs time to do the grieving he put off. There has been a lot of serious talk

Don't worry. It is natural to get upset. I try to not think of such things related to my AP who is living with his W and though he says S between them is non-existent, I have stopped asking. If you feel you will be hurt and upset by the answer, dont try to ask such Qs. Things like that is beyond your control and will happen no matter what you do, unless of course you are with him. By getting your AP to confirm your fears, you are inviting sorrow. Whenever you feel the need to probe, tell yourself, he has his needs, and it is just because of your indecision he is in such circumstances. That will help you handle it a little.
If I were in your place, I would appreciate his honesty and giving me the real picture. He could have easily avoided telling you and would you like that?
Thank you for your response. You make a lot of sense. Someone told me that everything only has meaning if you give it meaning. So maybe I'm giving this situation way too much meaning and have to figure out how to stop it.
I did text my AP last night to apologize for my reaction. He said he understood, it was perfectly normal and he expected it. A short discussion followed where he said again that he really doesn't know what he wants. I still get the feeling that he holds me at arm's length, but his former girlfriend seems to be able to get close to him.
The end of the conversation was him basically saying he didn't mean to hurt me, he didn't know what to say so he'd just say good night. I put down the phone and bawled my eyes out.
The fact that this bothered me a lot more than it should have or that I thought it would is a bit of an eye opener. I figured that he would see someone or a few people casually over the summer, but the fact that he slept with his ex and is still having thoughts about getting back with her (even though he knows it's a dysfunctional relationship) really hit me harder than I expected.
Because it did hit me so hard, I'm wondering if I'm more emotionally invested in this A and my AP than I originally thought. It really makes me question what I truly want, and if in the end I will end up with my H, my AP or no one.
You're right, I'd rather know the truth and have it hurt now than be lied to and really be torn up later. At this point, our last conversation didn't end well, and I doubt we will talk for awhile. I'm torn between contacting him again to work this out, and leaving him alone. I think the wisest thing to do is to let him be for a bit, but my heart says "text him!!" I'm trying really hard to listen to my brain.
My case is a bit like yours, I haven't had S with my H for over two years now. He's a good man, but the love I feel for him now is more like a loved family member, rather than