Have a Question...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Have a Question...
2
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 3:53pm
Hello All,

I haven't been posting here because I ended my A with my MM because, to be brief, I was tired of being secondary, and him not following through on the plans to bulid a life together, etc, so I have been posting on the other board for encouragement and support. He did not want it over, and I initiated NC (although he has emailed and I only answered I believe the first, then never replied after that). It's been almost 2wks with NC, but he is still sending emails that I read but don't respond to.

Our A lasted for 3 1/2-4 years and words can't describe the intense pain I have felt in doing this. I just read juliet's post about her OM who is now her BF and my D to my now exH went through a week ago this past Thursday. I didn't get divorced FOR my MM, but because of abuse. Anyway, my MM and I have talked about builing a life together, and so on. He is still married and in his emails have asked me, pleaded with me NOT to let anyone else take my heart, he's not letting me go, and he doesn't believe in his heart that our R is over. He states that my patience will be rewarded and to please just hang on.

My question is this: I have been down a very long road back to self-worth/self-respect due to years of abuse and the reason I broke it off with MM is because my heart broke everytime I was placed 2nd although I know about his family obligations, child, etc. I have been understanding and patient all this time but when I say he has made NO effort or indication of moving forward to being with "us", I mean NO effort. At least from what I see, although in his last email he told me he IS working on it. My question is this: do I continue to believe and hang in there like he keeps telling me or do I stand firm on my decision of NC and if it's meant to be and he truly wants a life with me, he will come? Just like that saying "If you love someone, set them free....".

Thank you for listening and any feedback is most appreciated.

MidnightBlue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 5:50pm
I feel your pain. Been on hold for a month now . MM's wife is leaving him. I love this man too. He needs to make so many adjustments right now and I am just here. I feel the pain everyday and can't help him because he doesn't want me to be the reason of divorce. He always told me I wasn't. Now he wants to prove it! I know he is doing what is best for us. We talked about the statistics and how we didn't want our relationship to end. I told him I couldn't lose him. I am very insecure with all the NC. I don't know how much more I can take. I know you made a big choice not to have contact with him. I think if it is to be, it will be. I am sure in 4 years he knows exactly how you feel. It is his issue to take care of the rest. I too am divorced. abusive 25 year . I know being divorced is very lonely. Got so much love to give. I could be out there having other men. Just want one! And can't have him ! I am not giving up hope. I think you have to do what feels best for you. But without a true ending to one relationship you just can't move on. That is how I feel anyways. hugs to you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 6:23pm
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Edited 10/1/2004 7:06 pm ET ET by sally289