have to stop this addiction

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
have to stop this addiction
115
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 10:38pm
Hi everyone, my AP was gone away for 10 days, and I felt so good not waiting for my phone to ring, spending quality time with my family, feeling "normal" again. Well, he's back now, and I feel like I have fallen off the wagon, so to speak, after not having him here, I kind of decided I didnt need him, and that I was going to end it, well, when he called today, I just had to answer, I was weak, and didnt tell him what I have been thinking while he was gone, now I feel like I am back into the craziness I was ready to leave behind last week at this time. I am afraid of not having him, he is a crutch to me when things get bad, and i am afraid of not having my crutch. I know I should go NC, but I feel like I cant now, I don't know what to do, just needed to get this out, thanks for listening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2006
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 1:11am

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 11:30am

Well ladies - I am with both of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 12:55pm

Can I join your party?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 1:55pm

Hi ladies - I have been over at EAS all day reading, reading, reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 2:52pm
Thanks so much ladies for your responses, I can see I am not alone, I am ready to take the first step in ending this nightmare, is anyone with me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 2:59pm

ROOM FOR ONE MORE??

I have been temporarily kicked off the EAS site (just kidding) for my chronic fence sitting. For me I am having trouble letting go of the fantasy for the future (don't know why that is sooo difficult). BUT,

I HATE waiting for him to email
I HATE that I initiate all communication
I HATE that i spend so many hours pining over him while he enjoys his life
I HATE how this situation makes me feel
I HATE how a man can make me unravel like this
I HATE how i have risked my family for this
I HATE how I have trouble seeing AP's faults

For me AP and I haven't had a PA in months because we live far away. But we are taking things a little slower because of the guilt he feels with his wife and his crappy R that he doesn't know what is going to happen with it.

OK so what is the first step? FOr me I have started a type of NC I will NOT contact him ... who know maybe he'll notice in a year and email? :) What is a good baby step ladies???

MW

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 3:17pm
my plan is to start living my life again, I will have a conversation with him, saying goodbye, and why, because we have always said when one is ready to be done, we will say goodbye, not just go NC without explaination, not because I feel I owe him this, but because I will keep my word, and ladies, once I do this, I will NEVER turn back, now, how do I get the courage to do it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 4:08pm


I know courage is the million dollar question!

What is holding you back? The fantasy for the future? That is my problem ... my AP moves at the speed of a snail in emotional issues so I think I could be doing this for a couple of years ... but there is NO promise that he will leave his W ... and if he does who knows, he may not choose me. I feel like my life is on hold and I am not working on my own M.

MW

Sorry question to all - does everyone have kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 4:23pm
I'm right here with you girls. My A is ending but I can't just walk away and start NC. I need to have one last talk with him. I don't want to end things and not have a closure. I need closure.

The talk is a problem to organize right now, he can't even text me so I have to have a bit more patience. I was lurking on EAS but I'm still not ready to go and post there.

Ladies, all of your advice for the "beginning of the end" are welcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 4:34pm

HAH Desire - I wish we could start a Beginning of the End of the Affair Board .... I feel like I don't quite fit in MAS but I don't totally fit in EAS either!

Very frustrating. It is like I know that I am in the Affair Fog and I know it exists I just can't seem to get out of of it.

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