have to stop this addiction
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have to stop this addiction
| Tue, 08-26-2008 - 10:38pm |
Hi everyone, my AP was gone away for 10 days, and I felt so good not waiting for my phone to ring, spending quality time with my family, feeling "normal" again. Well, he's back now, and I feel like I have fallen off the wagon, so to speak, after not having him here, I kind of decided I didnt need him, and that I was going to end it, well, when he called today, I just had to answer, I was weak, and didnt tell him what I have been thinking while he was gone, now I feel like I am back into the craziness I was ready to leave behind last week at this time. I am afraid of not having him, he is a crutch to me when things get bad, and i am afraid of not having my crutch. I know I should go NC, but I feel like I cant now, I don't know what to do, just needed to get this out, thanks for listening.

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Well ladies - I am with both of you.
Can I join your party?
Hi ladies - I have been over at EAS all day reading, reading, reading.
ROOM FOR ONE MORE??
I have been temporarily kicked off the EAS site (just kidding) for my chronic fence sitting. For me I am having trouble letting go of the fantasy for the future (don't know why that is sooo difficult). BUT,
I HATE waiting for him to email
I HATE that I initiate all communication
I HATE that i spend so many hours pining over him while he enjoys his life
I HATE how this situation makes me feel
I HATE how a man can make me unravel like this
I HATE how i have risked my family for this
I HATE how I have trouble seeing AP's faults
For me AP and I haven't had a PA in months because we live far away. But we are taking things a little slower because of the guilt he feels with his wife and his crappy R that he doesn't know what is going to happen with it.
OK so what is the first step? FOr me I have started a type of NC I will NOT contact him ... who know maybe he'll notice in a year and email? :) What is a good baby step ladies???
MW
I know courage is the million dollar question!
What is holding you back? The fantasy for the future? That is my problem ... my AP moves at the speed of a snail in emotional issues so I think I could be doing this for a couple of years ... but there is NO promise that he will leave his W ... and if he does who knows, he may not choose me. I feel like my life is on hold and I am not working on my own M.
MW
Sorry question to all - does everyone have kids?
HAH Desire - I wish we could start a Beginning of the End of the Affair Board .... I feel like I don't quite fit in MAS but I don't totally fit in EAS either!
Very frustrating. It is like I know that I am in the Affair Fog and I know it exists I just can't seem to get out of of it.
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