Have you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Have you...
6
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 8:00am
asked MM to leave or has he brought it up on his own or has it been brought up at all. In other words if it was mentioned who initiated it? Or vice versa you said you would leave or were asked to leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sally289
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 10:27am
sally -- MM and i started as fwbs and the R evolved into much more. it's been over 3 years now and MM and i are really connected, sexually and emotionally.

we did slightly touch on the "leaving the marriage" topic 6-8 months ago and i told MM i didn't want him to leave if we had to hurt everyone in the process to be together. a few weeks later, he called me one day and after general discussion about our day, MM told me he and his W had a long talk about the future regarding his pending retirement and she (the W) said that if anything ever happened to her, she knew he (MM) would be with me! we are all friends (with my long-time BF) so it was shocking for me to hear MM say that. then a few days later, after MM and i were intimate, he looked at me and said he would be with me in a heartbeat if he wasn't married. that i complete him in ways he never thought possible. this is the first time i've ever repeated what MM said to me. i still can't believe he feels that way.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
In reply to: sally289
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 11:23am
I have known from day 1 that he was not planning to leave his wife and I would never want him to...I knew exactly what I was getting into...I accept it for what it is and ask for no more.
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
In reply to: sally289
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 11:25am
in the beginning we both joked around about it.. "running off together".

then when i left my H we talked about it seriosly. it was a mutual conversation. i didn't ask him to go, he didn't ask me if i would take him, it just kind of happened.

Sorry for the vague answer. We still haven't figured out the future anyway! And we still talk about it constantly!

good luck

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
In reply to: sally289
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 12:12pm
MM said it first...a few weeks after this started. He said I didn't understand just how strong his feelings were and then, rather insistently, added, "I want to MARRY you." Seemed weird so early on, but I just assumed since he knew it wouldn't happen anytime soon, he felt comfortable saying it. Several times he's joked about us running away together. Several times I've joked about it and he always says, very seriously, "Sounds good to me. How would we support ourselves, though?" It's all just joking. Oh, and he'll drop hints every now and then about how I need to be sure to "make a good impression on his daughter" or I'll say something and he'll say, "If you're going to be with me someday, you'll have to get used to that." I think he knows GOOD AND WELL that if/when his wife finds out about this, she'll kick him out on his can. I think I know that too. She's a tough cookie and I can just tell she really won't put up with even one iota of crap from him. I've very rarely mentioned us being together someday unless he mentioned it first. On a couple of occasions I've even misunderstood when he said, "When we're together, it's going to be good." I thought he meant when we, in the context of our affair, first m.l. or whatever but really he meant when we're together permanently. I like to think this means he's more emotionally involved than me but deep down I suspect it's just b.s. If W never finds out, it's likely he'll just stay with her and get what he can get from me on the side.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
In reply to: sally289
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 12:06am
I'm not sure who brought it up first, but we have discussed it. We actually talked about it before the R ever got started. I've been very close friends with MM for many years now and he's confided in me over those years that he didn't see forever with his W. I'm single, so I don't have the same complications. Anyway, since the R started, we do talk about our future together on occasion, but I don't pressure him. He will leave his W when (and if) he's ready to do so. As someone else pointed out, I knew what I was getting into and I accept things the way they are.

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
In reply to: sally289
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 8:32am
We also discussed it before we ever got involved. I expressed that I never planned to leave my marriage and that realistically speaking we'd never make it together in a full-time relationship for many reasons. OM at that time replied "I've seen stranger things work than S & J"...on several occassions I have felt that if I werent married he would choose to be with me in a minute but I dont know and I'll never find out. He's been engaged since just before our paths crossed 2 years ago and the wedding has been put off the past 2 summers now. Now he and his fiance have a baby on the way which is due in April and Im not really sure anymore if he would leave her or not...I would like to hope not.

A few weeks ago I was joking and told him he could buy me and he said Id always be more like a lease and that he wants to be able to take me home with him everynight and park me in his garage for more than a couple of years - he asked if he could have the option to buy? This conversation turned into a whole string of sexual inuendos which were hilarious but this has been only comment he's made about having me full-time since the news of the baby.

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com