Haven't heard from him..should I ask why

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Haven't heard from him..should I ask why
17
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 9:21am

So my AP is the best friend of my best friend's husband.

About 3 years ago while he was dating his current GF we slept before I had to leave overseas for my job. We initially kept in contact but eventually we didn't speak for one year.

Now I have returned and we have reignited our affair. But I recently found out from my best friend that he and his GF have been planning to get married later this year.

So I asked him about it and he admitted that he and his GF have been talking about the possibility of marriage but he is still open to seeing me. That was 10 days ago, so far I haven't heard from him although we were able to say hi briefly while in our friends presence.

Although we previously talked about letting each other know when we want to end it. I can't help but wonder if my question to him about his possible marriage had anything to do with this.

I am thinking to send him an email requesting that he let me know if he has changed his mind about seeing me so I can move on.

Please let me know what you think of this
Thnx

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 7:04pm
my opinion only, you need to just walk away and refuse to see him any more. He's getting married, let him go. Give his new bride a chance. I also think he's a fool to get married in the first place, and he will be a serial cheater. He's seeing you and engaged to her, that just can't end well, walk away now, move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 7:50am

Hi magentabluegoddess, thanks for your opinion


What I do know is they aren't officially engaged yet but are just talking about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2009
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 1:14am
give him the space and time. I know it's SO hard to not contact him, but every time you resist, it gets easier. It only takes 1 time giving in and you are back to square 1. It's hard, you are addicted. Clearly, he's not, he can take it or leave it, and prefers to do both. You deserve better than that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 2:58am

Personally, I think he is punishing you for daring to ask him about that part of his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Tue, 03-23-2010 - 8:57am
Just an update.....Got a text from him last night saying that he wished he could be free to see me more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 4:44pm

AM2006,

MM Here. Just curious, are you M?

MPV

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 8:19pm

if you are having sex with each other, why the hell can't you place a phone call to him? call him! and then tell him, according to Grag Bernhartd, "Busy" is the new "A** hole"-- and ask him, "what's up lover boy?"


seriously - i totally feel like, if we're naked together i can friking call

when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 8:36pm

@malepov: I am a SW

@MMM2010: I decided not to call to give him some space

I generally leave most of the calls to him as they live together and drive to and from work together. So that limits opportunities for us to meet. I would sometimes call when I know he is at work, otherwise I mainly email or text.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 9:12pm

My apologies to avamarie for the hijack, but marie3, you reminded me of something AP and I came up with from the very beginning.


We met one day and just over 48 hours, we were in bed naked together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 10:42pm

Hi AvaMarie,

I hope you didn't mind me asking, I just wanted to understand the situations ( I am a MM involved in a 5 year A with a MW ).

The reason I ask...

If they aren't "officially" engaged, then they are just dating. In effect, he is dating two women, isn't he?

Now, perhaps on some level that is an A, but to me, given that he hasn't yet committed himself to her, he needs to decide what he wants and be up front about it. Listen, I get that I ain't no role model of honesty here; or maybe I just like to rationalize the difficulty I feel in ending my M (i.e. it would be easier to leave if I wasn't M - I know it's BS). To me, if he is hanging with you, while he is still "dating" her, this might be a guy to avoid. It just feels a lot like game playing to me. If he moves forward, gets engaged, gets married and has kids, do you want to stand by waiting?

I have a friend (male) that was in this situation with his GF. He was seeing her, while she was still dating her prior BF. He dealt with it for a few weeks, because she told him she was going to breakup with her BF. A few weeks went by and he put it to her. She couldn't have both and he made her decide. She chose my friend and they are now M.

I wish you the best of luck and I hope this works out for you. Do your best to remember that you deserve to be happy and to have a relationship that works for you.

MPV.

BTW...I agree with Marie3. My rule is, if our junk has met each other more than once, then all cards, and conversations, are on the table. It doesn't mean that someone has to answer, and lord knows honesty is hard, but the game is over and it's okay to talk.




Edited 3/25/2010 10:46 pm ET by malepov

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