Haven't heard from him..should I ask why

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Haven't heard from him..should I ask why
17
Sun, 03-21-2010 - 9:21am

So my AP is the best friend of my best friend's husband.

About 3 years ago while he was dating his current GF we slept before I had to leave overseas for my job. We initially kept in contact but eventually we didn't speak for one year.

Now I have returned and we have reignited our affair. But I recently found out from my best friend that he and his GF have been planning to get married later this year.

So I asked him about it and he admitted that he and his GF have been talking about the possibility of marriage but he is still open to seeing me. That was 10 days ago, so far I haven't heard from him although we were able to say hi briefly while in our friends presence.

Although we previously talked about letting each other know when we want to end it. I can't help but wonder if my question to him about his possible marriage had anything to do with this.

I am thinking to send him an email requesting that he let me know if he has changed his mind about seeing me so I can move on.

Please let me know what you think of this
Thnx

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 3:58pm

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sun, 03-28-2010 - 11:57am

I agree with malepov, and if your A/P proceeds to get engaged to his g/f, then he's saying, loud and clear - he prefers her and just wants you "on the side".

I never quite understand the R's here that involve two single people - with one in a long term R (but not married). Especially when that person goes on to get married while continuing the A. Just seems strange. It is so much easier to get out of a relationship that is not a marriage.

You say you're a bit confused about what you want, which suggests that you're not sure you actually want to be with this guy. Think about that - how would you feel if he does leave his g/f? That would put a lot of pressure on you and your relationship. If he leaves her, it SHOULD be for himself and because he knows it isn't right, but will he accept that if you and he don't work out, or will he claim that he gave everything up "for you" and you "owe" him somehow?

I think you have to really think about what you want and make a conscious decision about how to move forward one way or the other.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 8:41am

Hello everyone


It's been awhile but just to let you guys know after weeks of agonising and indecision, I made up my mind and called him and ended it.


I was honest with him and told him I wanted and deserved the "full package" not just as his side piece.


I would miss talking to him and the amazing sex but I feel so much better now that I told him

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2010
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 8:48am

You should be proud of yourself for taking a stand..


Good luck and I hope you find the man you deserve..


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 8:54am
Thanks for updating us! That doesn't always happen around here. :-) I think you did the right thing, and I'm glad it worked out for you! Didn't it give you a feeling of power (over your OWN life) when you did that? Anyway, glad to hear how it worked out.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Mon, 05-03-2010 - 11:16am

I agree with everyone else. You started the affair when he was with his GF. Now some, what, 3 years later, he's STILL with her and talking marriage. That should tell you something! For one, that she's not going anywhere. He WILL marry her, I am sure. For another, he's obviously capable of betraying the one he is with. For some reason, we all seem to think we're somehow special and unique, when, really, it could be anyone they're messing around with. I think this happens more with women. We seem to be programmed to think that because someone is sleeping with us, sneaking around with us, that it makes us something special. We also tend to believe that because we're having sex with someone, we love them. Men are much more able to sleep around and have it just be a recreational activity. Which is probably what is going on with this guy.

Sounds like you're on the right path though. The path to truth and action. You don't need this putz. Fuhget about 'em!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Tue, 05-04-2010 - 8:59am

It did feel great letting him know how I feel.

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