having an affair support update

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
having an affair support update
6
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 10:05am
Remember me?I am m and was having an a with another mm which is my supervisor at work.I really have enjoyed being with him and now have feelings for om.Well anyway I talked to him (om)yesterday at work.I went up to him when I saw a good opportunity.He was kinda distant since we last bet (not when we were together of course but at work Monday etc)












which was last Sat.So I wanted to know what was wrong.Boy did I findout.He told me his w said something to him that made him feel like s--t and he thought it would be better to end this thing,so he more less hurt me and made me feel like s--t.I feel alittle bit jealous over his w even though Ishould be relieved that this thing has ended.What is wrong with me?I have not told my h b yet.I'm not sure I'm going to either.I go talk to a therapist next week.I hope this will help.I talked to my h about not having anything in common anymore and the lack of communication we have.He was very sympathetic but really didn't say much.I really feel like I want out of this m but I am afraid of the outcome if I do leave.I really feel in my heart that if I leave my h that down the road I will realize that it was a big mistake.Anyone have some advice?Please don't be to critical.I know I'm not much of a person.I sometimes wonder if life is even worth the challenges it has.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 10:10am
I truly think that life doesnt toss you any challenges that you can't bear...you say that you're not much of a person - Im certain that isnt true and I think that going to a therapist is the best thing anyone can do for their own mental health. I would strongly encourage that you not tell your H about the affair as what is done is done, as I said in another post, let sleeping dogs lay...Hang in there and things will untangle eventually.

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 10:55am
I think you're taking the right steps. Going to talk to a counselor is a great idea. You problems with your marriage are common. And they can be worked through if you and your H are willing to work on them. I know how you feel about your OM and his W. But realize that this is probably for the better. You are one of the lucky ones. Not all A's end as well as your's did. So many end with other people getting hurt. You are hurting now because a part of your life - and a filler for a void in your life is gone. It will take time to heal, just like it would take time for you to get over any relationship. I truly don't believe it would be in anyones best interest for you to tell your H about your A. It was your choice to enter into the A and no one elses burden to bear but your own. Now you need to start rebuilding your life and your M. It's going to be hard, I'm not going to lie to you, but it can be done. You just need to begin focusing your energy on your M and your heart and mind on your H. Try to remember why you fell in love with your H, and all of the good times that you've had. If possible get him to enter into couples counseling with you. If you can work out the kinks in your marriage and forgive yourself, you can definitely make your marriage a successful one. Congratulations for taking the first step, now continue forward and don't look back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 3:33pm
Your advice is great,really it is.You really got me thinking.I called off work Thursday because I just did not feel like facing him but that just made me feel worse because I sat at home and cried allday.I went to work Friday and of course he ended up parking right next to me.He held the door open for me and said it's a beautiful morning out here all I said is it's pretty muggy.I kinda said it coldly and felt bad but just kept on walking.I did pretty good avoiding him and not even looking his way.I was proud.Then wouldn't you know he came up to me and asked how my day off was.I said oh it was great I cried allday.Bet you can't figure out why and he just looked at me and said he was sorry.Then later on as I was going to lunch he asked what my intentions were on this a.I told him how I felt.To long to write here.I did tell him that being with him was nice and it felt a voided area in my m.I said it was different he agreed.And said it was fun.I never thought I would ever snoop this low as to this something like this.I was always one to wonder how people could be so unfaithful,and always said if you don't want to be commited to one person then don't make the committment.Now I think I need to practice what I preach.I hope I can stay away from om Monday.If he's in a bad mood he'll be distant.I kinda hope is is then I hope he isn't.I really am confused huh?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 4:55pm
I understand exactly what you mean.

I'm sure it's normal for us to have

confusion about our EMA's. I find

it hard myself to continue to love

my OM and to stay married. I'm just

as confused as you are honey! Good

luck on Monday and I know you are a

very strong person, and whatever you

decide to do in your A, I know you

can do it! ~passion
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 5:19pm
Thanks!I do need some luck.Life can be very confusing sometimes.I'm kinda glad that I'm not the only person that is going through an ema.Does that sound bad to say?

i hope not.thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 9:53am
No, I'm thrilled others are in

the same situation as me. It's

always good to have someone who's

been there. And this board has

saved my sanity plenty of times.

~passion