Having a bad day....could use a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Having a bad day....could use a hug
5
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 6:07pm
In a lot of ways it was a lot easier dealing with things when I still was with stbx-h. Took a lot of pressure off of myself for feeling things I felt I had no right to feel for OM. I felt them, but tucked them away under the OM category in my heart, knowing that as long as I was married, I needed to be careful with those feelings or lots of people were going to get hurt.

Now I'm on my own and can't seem to stop the emotions from breaking out of that nice little box I had them in. SO and I have a *great* thing going. We really do. If it weren't for the minor little detail of the g/f, I'd say we almost have a full and complete relationship. He spends as much time with me as he possibly can. He loves me. When we're alone, he's very attentive and sentimental with me. He does things for me around the apartment almost every time he's over. He's helping me furnish it by finding secondhand appliances and furniture. He calls me everytime she unexpectedly goes shopping or whatever just because he wants to hear my voice and talk to me. So I know we have the real deal.

I also know that he loves her, too, albeit differently. There's a snap, a passion, or something that we have that he doesn't have with her. I also know - because he's lamented it about 1,000 times! - that if I had only told him last year that I was interested in him, he never would have moved in with her, but would rather have waited until I was ready to start something. But now he *is* with her. And she's been very good to him. I'd probably like her...she sounds like a nice person. I've heard her voice on the phone at work, and it's very smooth, mellow and sexy. Unlike mine. I hate my voice, always have, and now I have *that* to compare to her!!!!! AAARGH!!!!!

Complicating matters is my soon-to-be-divorce. Obviously it would be very bad for the kids for me to start living with someone right away. Even though they don't live with me, they do come over about 4-8 nights a month. All the experts say waith a minimum of 6-8 months before introducing them to SO. That a year would be better, judging on your own children, of course. So, I can't offer him a place to come to anytime soon, so I really have to right to bellyache about the g/f who was there before me, right??

So why do I feel so very awful knowing that he's got that limp today because they had sex last night. He's got a bad knee from his time in Vietnam and when we were friends, I used to joke that I knew when they had a wild one by his knees. His knees have been *just fine* these last few months unless I've been the one to hurt them ;-) but today he could barely walk at work and he was doing his best to cover it.

It felt like a knife had been shoved in my heart and turned around a few times for good measure.

And it will be okay tomorrow. I know this. We'll be able to talk (NC most weekends) and he'll say something schmoozy and I will remember just how much he does love me and that he wishes things were different, too.

But today my heart feels on fire and I can't stand it.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 10:56pm
*bump*

still needing that hug.

:-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 9:50am

Tell that man to decide between you or the g/f. hmmph. No more open relationships. Instead of staying with her and spending time with you - he's better of staying with you full time. JMHO


PS>>>> <<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>




Edited 1/5/2004 9:54:49 AM ET by charmed1007
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 10:11am
Lucky, I'm having a bad day too. I'm sending you a hug and hoping for you that your day gets better. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:24pm
Hi lucky hon


I often wonder how you are. Bad day, huh? I completely understand how you would be feeling so vulnerable right about now. I’m still with MM -- been 9 months now (time flies) and I have completely fallen for him. I know exactly what you mean when you say you kept everything tucked away “under the OM category in my heart.” That’s exactly what I am doing now, and it is so hard, but I completely understand how unbelievably scary it would be to suddenly not have the protection of my marriage to fall back on. (If that makes sense -- sounds terrible and cruel, doesn’t it?) When a relationship just can't be, you don't have to worry whether it is real or not.

How are you otherwise…how have the kids adjusted to the separation?

Hang in there and take it slow. Slow, baby steps. OK??

BIG hugs!!

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 4:44pm

(((((((((((((((HUGEHUGS))))))))))))))))))


oh Lucky hon... I so feel for you... and while I haven't been there and doubt I ever will... I think I understand.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My