Having A with BI

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2008
Having A with BI
16
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 12:04am

Hi girls...I'm new...and desperate to tell my secret.
Ever since the beginning of my M I've always found my BI (whom I never met b4 my M)attractive but only that attractive. There was no connection or chemistry or any feelings involved. But 5 yrs. into my M he and his wife separated and my H asked me to talk to BI and to offer a woman's point of view as to why his W left him (she felt neglected).

So we talked and it became a daily thing, even calling me at midnight to talk...and this was all ok with DH because he knew his brother was depressed and needed comfort. Well one thing led to another and the talks and comforting turned into an A.

BI and his wife have since gotten back together (they have 3 kids under 5y/o)but we never ended the A. It's going on to 2 yrs and we love each other.

The problem is that I have a great marriage (is it possible to love 2 guys equally at the same time?) and his is hanging by a thread. We both know we wont end up together no matter what (don't think my MIL would want me the 2nd time around), even if we do get D from our spouses but it would mean being disowned from both our families. So I always ask myself what's the point but my heart always wins over reason.

It's starting to eat at me...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: gracee81
Sat, 11-08-2008 - 11:37pm
"Like it made my decision to end it easier. I love him, that's the honest truth but I love my husband more. After reading all your posts, I'm now sure."

"I'm glad I found this board. I'll you girls know what happens. We're going to meet early next week."


Oh come on now!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
In reply to: gracee81
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 1:45am

Yes....DON'T meet in person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
In reply to: gracee81
Sun, 11-09-2008 - 8:41pm
While I am not disagreeing that meeting could be a mistake, it's not like you will never see this man again. Maybe meeting or at least talking will allow you to set some grounds rules for the future since you WILL see him again & he will be a part of your life forever. Try to just call each other. Seeing each other may set things off. I feel for you. My AP is my DH's best friend--they were each others best man (men) at each others weddings. At least we don't spend family functions together! I wish you well, I know this will be a long road for you (((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2008
In reply to: gracee81
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 8:37pm
It' over...he actually cried. But he understands my reasons and he said that he recently noticed that we were growing more and more attached and that it made him feel more guilty. While he loves me he realizes that he couldn't stand to tear him family apart and to have his mom so disappointed.
I guess it took us almost 2 years to realize how big of a fire we were playing with. I think because in the beginning it seemed like a game that we could just end anytime but we grew closer and needed each other more and that's when we started to freak out.
Thanks for helping...BTW, we did meet, and we did have that one last kiss...then, he came over with his kids last night while H was a the store, it seemed normal. Surprisingly normal, I think despite our broken hearts, we're both relived not to feel guilty when we're together. When H got home we had dinner and watched the kids play for a while then BI went home.
In the back of my head I waiting for him to text me when he got home but he never did. I guess it really is over...
I'm sad but relieved
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
In reply to: gracee81
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 8:39pm
I am very proud of you for putting your family first. I know how difficult it is to end an A. Hang in there... I am sorry you are having to go through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
In reply to: gracee81
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 8:52pm

Good for you. You did the right thing. Here if you need.


Boodle

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