He broke NC
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|Fri, 11-30-2012 - 9:42am|
Yesterday AP called me in the early afternoon. I saw his number come up on my phone and I really hesitated. I let it ring more than normal, but in the end, I couldn't bring myself to not answer (he'd leave a message anyways, and then what?).
It was so nice. Sure, he called about work stuff, but when we chatted he laughed and asked me questions and I just felt so good. I missed him so much - he hadn't talked to me since last Thursday except for a few very formal emails on Tuesday which I didn't answer. During the week I had to email him for work once, and he didn't respond until Thursday. I asked him if he was back at work and he said yes. He had taken last Friday to this past Wednesday off (see my previous post about NC driving me nuts).
So then we sent a few non-formal emails back and forth and then nothing. All evening I watched for his emails, and I'm feeling very anxious that he's not talking to me. I'm sure his NC is not about me (well, maybe a little bit). But it sure feels like it.
Something he said stuck in my mind, he said, 'I won't be anybody's secret.'
My H and I had a big long talk Monday night where he asked me again, point-blank, if I was committed to our relationship. I just didn't answer - I don't have an answer. I wake up and think about AP and remember what it was like when we were together last, and I want it.