He called a counselor

Avatar for zookittie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
He called a counselor
2
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 11:44pm
Hi, I lurk here quite a bit, getting good vibes and positive thoughts from all of you and I really appreciate that. I have kind of posted here before but just to kind of update, I am single, he is M. A few weeks ago his W told him if he did not shape up and get back into their M she was kicking him to the curb by the first of the year, he told me he has no desire to shape up that he wants out to be with me. I told him once he leaves her he has to be on his own ( not living with me or her to make sure that is REALLY what he wants ) for atleast a year before we can get married, he agreed thinking that was a good idea. Things for him at home have been up and down, good and bad. The more he thinks about it ( and I do not push at all ) the more he wants out. He is the one that tells me he wants out to be with me and that he is not in love with his W anymore. He has another woman friend that has been thru a D that he has been talking to about all of this and she encouraged him to go to counseling a few months ago, I agreed and highly encouraged it as well. Neither of us ever said MC, just that he needed to go alone to sort his issues out. Well he him hawed around and did not do much about it, but tonight he called and made an appt for Jan after all of the holidays. I am so proud of him and really think it will be good for him, but at the same time I am absolutely terrified that he the counselor will encourage him to find out and fix what went wrong in his M. I have really fallen in love with him and he tells me he has fallen in love with me, even though he is not mine to fall in love with. And with as happy as I am that he is gonna go get his stuff figured out, I am also 10 times more terrified. I know that only time will tell what is really going to happen and that I can not do anything about it that it will be his and his decision alone in whether to leave his W or not, but I am just scared and needed I guess to " tell someone that understands " and see what you all think. So thanks a ton for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 1:19am
I know where you are coming from zookittie...My situation is somewhat similar to your, except for the fact that I've never been intimate with my MM. It's more of an emotional A. His wife left him recently and said that if he doesnt shape up, shes filling for divorce :o/. His wife told him that he needed to go to counsling before she would even consider coming back, and so he did. I also was in favor of him going to counsling, but at the sametime feared that the therapist would somehow make him feel that its worth working things out with his wife. Its only for my own selfish reasons that I wouldnt want it to work, but in reality I would want him to give his marrige a fair shot, and hes the only one to work out his issues. I dont push him into leaving his wife at all. I just want him to do whats right for him. And if I happened to be lucky enough, he might come to me one day with an open mind and an open heart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 10:28am
Hang in there. You are doing the right thing. He needs to decide on his own and even if the counselor doesn't encourage him to fix the marriage maybe he can understand what went wrong so it doesn't happen with you. In the end, this is the right thing. He can say he tried everything if he decides to leave his W and leave with "I did my best" attitude. I know it is hard for you but keep being supportive and I hope things work the way you want them too. My MM won't go to counseloring w/his kids - scared I'm sure. His W is a nut case and probably would attempt to hurt him or the kids if he left. If he ever does go to counseling, I will be feeling the same way as you. Supportive but scared. I'm so glad I found this web site. Nice to be able to talk to people in the same boat - you just don't understand the situation until you are there.

You are a wonderful person - keep the faith!