He chooses his wife. . .for now
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He chooses his wife. . .for now
| Fri, 04-30-2004 - 2:02pm |
My OM and I have been together for 6 months and it has been the best 6 months of my life. For the first time in my life I feel alive. Unfortunately, my OM has put a halt to our relationship because the W is putting the squeeze on him. He hates all the lies and hates lying to his daughter. He has "quit" before but we always get back together. This time he means it. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but doesn't want to leave his family. He says things like "I kissed my W today and it felt like I was kissing the woman I married" then he adds "well I was never overwhelmed in love with her" And he will say I want to work on my marriage and see how things go then he will say you never know what the future holds. He has never been definite on anything. Like I will say I understand that you want to go back to your happy life and he says it's okay. I said I'm like Florida, you like to visit but you don't want to live there. He said he would love to live in FLorida if he didn't have to sell the house and leave everything behind. I feel like he loves me and wants to be with me but doesn't want to go through the pain of a divorce. I understand that. Who wants to get a divorce? But I wish he would understand that after we get through the pain we can enjoy a wonderful life together. The only definite thing he has said to me is that when we are together everything is perfect. I always have the hardest time getting through the weekends because I don't get to see him. Now he wants to call it quits and I feel like I'm going to die. He brought me to life and now I feel myself drifting back into my boring life. I have two beautiful kids that make me happy but I also have a husband who wants a life with me. Since my OM has called it quits I have decided to work on my marriage but I get sick everytime my H touches me. He is a great friend I just don't love him that way. I am going nuts. What can I do to survive this?

Now you have to move on... This is the hardest part of all. Trying to deal with your hurt and keeping normalty into your life for your kids and your husband. Now is the time to devoat yourself to your kids and make them happy and heal yourself then maybe you will be able to look at your husband again in a different light once your feeling better and the hurt has passed a bit. I myself can not look or touch my husband since i have had an affair the last 6 months. He makes me sick to look at him cuz im not in love with him anymore but I still dont want a divorce just because I had an affair. If i divorce him its because I dont want him. and I wont run to OM.
Im sorry for the pain but life is the pits. Never perfect and never the way we want it to go.
Yesterday he informed me that he doesn't trust me and neither of us are trustworthy as we are both cheating on our spouse. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. He tells me how terrible his life is at home, yet he can't leave her because she's so unstable and couldn't manage on her own.
I have been crying all morning. My husband loves me, but it's just not the same.
What an awful feeling. I can't imagine that anything we say here will *really* help, but do know that most of us have either been there or worry about being there.
Something you said jumped out at me, though, and so let me see if my perspective on this helps you. You said..."He brought me to life and now I feel myself drifting back into my boring life." I've said stuff like that to my OM before. I've told him, I don't know how many times, that he's to 'blame' for the new me. That he 'brought it out in me'. That he 'brought out the real me'. That sort of thing. I've said that so many times, I've lost count. And he has said, always, each and every time, "I didn't do anything. What you have, you've always have. It was always there, just waiting to come out." At first, I didn't believe him. But you know what? He's right. He may support it. He may encourage it. Hell, he may even cheer about it. But it *is* me. I'm just being me. The same is true with you. The you that you are with him is still YOU. He didn't make it, he just made it safe to be you. Hang on to that truth. Continue to be you. Don't lose that part of you if you like and need it so much. Maybe H would like it, too, and that would help. Maybe he wouldn't, but that's a different thread.
Don't lose yourself just because you lost the guy, honey. You are too important and too special.
HTH. Majorly big {{{hugs}}}.
Lucky