Oh, gal...I am so sorry! ((HUGS)). Why do these men pull this crap? They are the ones who come on so strong and want, want, want so bad, then when the guilt trips start on the other end of their life, they bail. Integrity, yeah, well, if that's what they were so concerned about they wouldn't start all this to begin with. I guess one things you can say about your AP is that he had the balls to be honest and tell you to your face. I haven't talked to MM for 3 days. He was gone tuesday and wednesday...today his vehicle was in the parking lot when I got there and of course, he wasn't in it...already ran inside...guess he's run out of lies and excuses IN CASE I try to talk to him, then I noticed at first break, he was gone..so he left early today for some reason. I don't know what i can say to make things better...just that you are NOT ALONE in this. I'm hurting now, also, that once again, I get kicked to the curb like a piece of sh*t and he can't even be honest with me. He just runs and avoids me like I'm some big bad monster that threatens his precious little world when he's the one who started all the sh*t to start with and screwed me over. ((HUGS))...
ms gal-empowered. once someone truly loves you they will not stop loving..although you guys aren't together right now hold onto that...and don't be too sure your "relationship" with him is over...you can have a relationship with someone without being intimate..you can be close to someone without sleeping with them..they can do all the same things they did before...maybe my situation has its own uniqueness(if that's a word)....but just take care of you right now...these girls on this board told me that after i broke up with XAP and i couldn't see that at first...now i see it...if XAP and i hang out or talk and we argue..i don't get upset (well i do get upset i just don't flip out) at all because i know i'm taking care of me and i can control what i do say think and feel...do you get me..you'll find it...does it hurt sure it does....do i get upset sometimes..sure i do...have i said mean and nasty things to XAP to make him think about how he broke his vows and how he should be ashamed, and etc..sure i have...have i felt bad...sure..but i can manage it because i take care of me...i've also been hurt by some of the mean nasty ways he's been...found out from DS, that it's because he thinks i have a Boyfriend now...but anyway..yes i've been really hurt...but it's not devastating to me...it's not controlling what i do, if i get up, if i get out the house, if i'm happy with others, not affecting my work integrity and i gotta see his arse here...you know why...because from the prodding of these wonderful woman here....I LEARNED TO TAKE CARE OF ME...and i encourage you to do that same...
your xap wanting to live with integrity is something that he wants to do and that you cannot i mean absolutely cannot control..and as a matter of fact that is a very good thing for him....if he and his wife cannot by anymeans exist together anymore..he'll make a decision to leave and get himself together...if that's what he wants to do..but remember it's beyond your control...i've been where you are..but i was the breakeroffer...lol...it still felt the same although i did the calling of it quits....take care of yourself and i've said it enough in this reply...you will be fine...
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Sorry for your loss. As Tiger said, if he loves you he may come back. But I wonder how you can hold it against him for integrity. If he was your husband it would be a good thing right? Everyday I think about ending my A because of morals and integrity. At the end of our life, we will be judged by our higher power and not by our lovers. Not trying to get religious, but maybe that is what he is thinking. I have often though of ending my A due to integrity but my AP is such a wonderful friend and person that I could not see her her not in my life. Is this the first time he has brought this up? If not, then why such a shock? You entered into an affair knowing it was wrong but you know question why he's ending it because it's wrong?. The ony right way to things is to both get divorced and live together. Maybe that is still possible. Not trying to be harsh but I think we all know what we're getting into and then are surprised when things go bad.
Integrity my ass...I'm sorry, but if they had any intergrity, they never would've started it. I'm in a foul mood today over MM so I'm sorry if I'm coming off bitchy. GUILT, GUILT, GUILT...that's what it is and the fact they don't want to lose their comfy little corner of the world where things are their way and benefits them. MM was finally at work today and made no effort whatsoever to find me or talk to me...I did notice, however, that he parked very close to where I do in the mornings, but was already inside...I have a feeling he was probably hoping to catch me real quick after work to return the sheets I loaned him when he rented his place, because I'm sure the fu*king liar didn't pay for another month like he said he did. Well, screw him, I left early today so I didn't see him after work. Sorry, gal, not trying to take away from your pain, I'm so full of pain and anger myself right now. Here last Friday he was all in love with me, hugging, kissing, be patient with him, texting me how he couldn't get me out of his head and heart and here we are one week later and the man wouldn't spit on me if I were on fire!
I'm so sorry Gal - just want to let you know we are here for you
They are the ones who come on so strong and want, want, want so bad, then when the guilt trips start on the other end of their life, they bail. Integrity, yeah, well, if that's what they were so concerned about they wouldn't start all this to begin with.
I guess one things you can say about your AP is that he had the balls to be honest and tell you to your face. I haven't talked to MM for 3 days. He was gone tuesday and wednesday...today his vehicle was in the parking lot when I got there and of course, he wasn't in it...already ran inside...guess he's run out of lies and excuses IN CASE I try to talk to him, then I noticed at first break, he was gone..so he left early today for some reason.
I don't know what i can say to make things better...just that you are NOT ALONE in this. I'm hurting now, also, that once again, I get kicked to the curb like a piece of sh*t and he can't even be honest with me. He just runs and avoids me like I'm some big bad monster that threatens his precious little world when he's the one who started all the sh*t to start with and screwed me over.
((HUGS))...
Thanks so much for hug.
ms gal-empowered. once someone truly loves you they will not stop loving..although you guys aren't together right now hold onto that...and don't be too sure your "relationship" with him is over...you can have a relationship with someone without being intimate..you can be close to someone without sleeping with them..they can do all the same things they did before...maybe my situation has its own uniqueness(if that's a word)....but just take care of you right now...these girls on this board told me that after i broke up with XAP and i couldn't see that at first...now i see it...if XAP and i hang out or talk and we argue..i don't get upset (well i do get upset i just don't flip out) at all because i know i'm taking care of me and i can control what i do say think and feel...do you get me..you'll find it...does it hurt sure it does....do i get upset sometimes..sure i do...have i said mean and nasty things to XAP to make him think about how he broke his vows and how he should be ashamed, and etc..sure i have...have i felt bad...sure..but i can manage it because i take care of me...i've also been hurt by some of the mean nasty ways he's been...found out from DS, that it's because he thinks i have a Boyfriend now...but anyway..yes i've been really hurt...but it's not devastating to me...it's not controlling what i do, if i get up, if i get out the house, if i'm happy with others, not affecting my work integrity and i gotta see his arse here...you know why...because from the prodding of these wonderful woman here....I LEARNED TO TAKE CARE OF ME...and i encourage you to do that same...
your xap wanting to live with integrity is something that he wants to do and that you cannot i mean absolutely cannot control..and as a matter of fact that is a very good thing for him....if he and his wife cannot by anymeans exist together anymore..he'll make a decision to leave and get himself together...if that's what he wants to do..but remember it's beyond your control...i've been where you are..but i was the breakeroffer...lol...it still felt the same although i did the calling of it quits....take care of yourself and i've said it enough in this reply...you will be fine...
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Edited 3/6/2009 4:01 pm ET by tygerzize
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Gal,
Sorry for your loss. As Tiger said, if he loves you he may come back. But I wonder how you can hold it against him for integrity. If he was your husband it would be a good thing right? Everyday I think about ending my A because of morals and integrity. At the end of our life, we will be judged by our higher power and not by our lovers. Not trying to get religious, but maybe that is what he is thinking. I have often though of ending my A due to integrity but my AP is such a wonderful friend and person that I could not see her her not in my life. Is this the first time he has brought this up? If not, then why such a shock? You entered into an affair knowing it was wrong but you know question why he's ending it because it's wrong?. The ony right way to things is to both get divorced and live together. Maybe that is still possible. Not trying to be harsh but I think we all know what we're getting into and then are surprised when things go bad.
A
I'm definately not holding it against him regarding the integrity.
MM was finally at work today and made no effort whatsoever to find me or talk to me...I did notice, however, that he parked very close to where I do in the mornings, but was already inside...I have a feeling he was probably hoping to catch me real quick after work to return the sheets I loaned him when he rented his place, because I'm sure the fu*king liar didn't pay for another month like he said he did. Well, screw him, I left early today so I didn't see him after work. Sorry, gal, not trying to take away from your pain, I'm so full of pain and anger myself right now. Here last Friday he was all in love with me, hugging, kissing, be patient with him, texting me how he couldn't get me out of his head and heart and here we are one week later and the man wouldn't spit on me if I were on fire!