He ended it but still loves me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
He ended it but still loves me?
24
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 1:23am

I've posted before but am trying to find a little more clarity I guess.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 9:10am

He probably doesn't want to completely lose contact with you because he does have feelings for you. But obviously his feelings for his wife come first.

I know I would be like you. I would hate to let the whole thing go and have no contact. But in order for you to heal, that's what you'll have to do eventually, when you're ready.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 11:21am

You offer this man something that he doesn't get anywhere else or from anyone else.

Pink Passion Flower

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 12:49pm

Thank you so much to both of you. Today is really rough but I haven't talked to him. He's been logged into his email account since I got up this morning (he goes to work at 7am). I have been logged in but am invisible and I see that he hasn't logged out at all. He told me from the very beginning that he would log in every day that he was at work, hoping to talk to me.

I don't know what to say to him so I'm choosing to say nothing at all. Tomorrow he is off from work so I'm sure I won't hear from him then.

I don't know why I'm waiting for him to tell me he made a mistake and wants me back. This is so pathetic of me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 1:55pm
If he wants to,he will contact you again.But then,the ball is in your court to take him in or not.Sometimes,something is better than nothing ,if it helps to breath!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 5:59pm

Hiya,

feels as if I had written that one myself. It is so very odd to me, yet comforting at the same time, to know, this happens to a lot of people. The AP breaks it off, to try to make it work with the wife, yet doesnt let go of you. They go from saying, I dont love her anymore, dont desire her anymore....to saying, I HAVE to try. I guess in a way its good that they do try again. Cause only if they have tried for real and lived for a while their normal life again, can they decide if thats what they want or not. Men are pretty much always taking the way of least resistance, I read it over and over again. It makes me sad for them, that they are so weak. But it also makes me a proud woman, to know, most women will not do as they do. I was stuck in an unhappy marriage years ago, it took two years for me to get the guts and the fight inside of me to finally go away. Its a big thing to leave house, tree, car, ...life as you have known it for years. And the world out there is a scary one. But I know one thing, you can always make it. I have moved to different countries with barely a few dollars in my pocket and always made it. The one thing I am the proudest of in my life.......LIVING IT!
I am going through the same thing you are going through right now. Someone said its fence sitting. I wish there was a company called Rent a Cow....to come and knock that dang fence down.
You have to find out for yourself if you want to go to NC or if you want to continue. No matter how you decide, its right. Because its what you feel like doing. If you stay in touch with him, good luck with everything. If you go to NC, good luck with everything.
I cant do the NC yet. Maybe one day, if he continues to do the same thing over and over again. Love does weaken with these blows we get. You can only beat someone up so many times until they die. Not literally beat them up, but you know what I mean.
From my experience now, he is not going to let you go ....he is holding on and will continue to do so.
What I cannot tell you, if he is going to be yours totally one day or not.
Consider yourself hugged. And sorry for my feelings right now, which are......I am so glad I am not the only one going through the exact same thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 7:43pm

Oh please don't apologize for writing all that you did, I appreciate it so much. It is so nice to know that I'm not in this alone although I'm sorry for your hurt.

I am proud to say that I managed to maintain NC the entire day. This doesn't actually make me feel better except for the fact that I wanted him to realize what it would be like not to talk to me for a whole day. I know this is game playing on my part but I just want him to miss me like I miss him!

I should also mention that he is my neighbor. I did see him briefly this afternoon as I was outside when he was. He waved and I waved back, that was it.

It is so nice to hear that many of you believe he probably does have the feelings that he says he does. I know this doesn't mean he will come back but it gives me comfort to hear it anyways. I can't believe I fell so hard and I miss him so.

He did finally send an email right before he went home, just saying he hoped that I had a nice day. Thank you ladies for reading my sad little story and for all of your support. And please, if anyone else reads my post and has any sort of response, I would love to hear it. TIA

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2008
Sat, 07-18-2009 - 11:54pm
om ihave been away from this site as if i was not really having an A.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 1:59am

Wow, I can so relate to what you are going through and the rest of these women. I havent posted my story, maybe i will later.


I will say it's been 8 months that we've been together and we have both admitted we love each other, he said it first. I've tried to break it off twice b/c it's so hard when you want them all to yourself and cant have them. We ended up back together b/c i felt like i couldnt be without him, I thought I was losing my mind.


I'm at the point now that I'm just hoping and waiting for him to say he wants me and only me. He has said things like he wondered what it would be like to live with me and if he werent married we would be together, he even called his son from a previous relationship my stepson, I've met his mother and some of his friends. He really tries to include me in many aspects of his life.


It's so frustrating. I want to break it off sometimes b/c its hurts so much not to have all of him. I know if he doesnt make a move at some point I will have to, this is so stressful and so hard. I cant even believe I've gotten myself into this. A MW seeing a MM. Me and my

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2009
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 12:51pm

Disecting every sentence, listening, but only hearing what we want to hear. We pick out the words that comfort us and push the other ones out of mind. Short of breath, racing to check our mail, each signal of a text message arriving via phone sends us in a frenzy.
We sit there and when we are having those clear moments, we say to ourselves, are you stupid or what?
We share them with the other half that is ever present. We lift them up to the sky and they dont crash down, nope, its us. We are sent into deep, dark holes by their actions. They have the best of both worlds. Someone at home, whom probably doesnt even have a clue. Why rock the boat, when smooth sailing is so much easier. And then we are on the other side. Hanging on their lips, waiting for kind words, for any sign of love or interest.
We are smiled at with pitty. We are laughed about, we are talked about. We are bad for loving a man whom doesnt belong to us. We are rotten for wanting someone whom clearly isnt free.
And we stand in front of people and say over and over again, but it isnt like that. We defend them fiercely. Do we ever imagine to be in the shoes of the person whom has no clue, or is maybe guessing something is going on? I dare not imagine how I would feel if I were to find out my partner is cheating on me. Not just physically, but emotionally also.
Whats worse, the sex or the I love you?
And still, we keep going back for more. The mistake is our own. Its our own problem. Love this or that, the question is, why do we allow to play second fiddle to someone they claim they dont love anymore?
That is the question I ask myself, while I am waiting to hear from him. It goes from being friendly and we cant do this, to the revelation, I still have feelings for you. It goes from trying hard to write factual emails to writing melodramatic novels that send both over the edge.
They try to work it out with their spouses but their thoughts are not there at all times. How can one be truly trying if he or she still keeps contact with the lover? Thats not a very honest try in my opinion.
The question is not, will I ever have him. But it is, what in the hell can I do to not want him anymore??
I sit here and write these oh so intelligent words down. And as soon as I finish this, I will check my email for the 4945904th time, go as far as sending mail to myself to check if the mail provider is even working. I drag through the day and God forbid anyone speaks about him in a negative way. I clench my teeth and ball my fist and am ready to fight back with words. Defending someone whom is not even standing by my side.
I know exactly what you are going through. I have heard all the hints and tips there are to be heard. And the only one I can follow, is my own. That may be destructive and not positive for my own good. But I am still too blind, to naive, too much in love with someone whom can drop me just like that.
Keep your head up....and find your own way.
A friend of mine had a saying as a status message before, which read,
Never make someone a priority if you are only an option.

I so hope I can follow this sentence myself one day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 3:33pm

Sakkra,


I agree and relate to pretty much everything you said. Why cant I just kick him to the curb and move on,


Instead I breathlessly

Pages