he finally left her! why aren't i happy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
he finally left her! why aren't i happy?
5
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 1:24pm

After several false starts, 6 months of therapy with and without me,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 4:37pm

Why? Because your gut instinct knows that there's really nothing to celebrate. Him going to a hotel doesn't equal a D. He still has TONS of stuff to get through before you can count your blessings. Even then, it still doesn't guarantee he will not find fault with you and run bak to his (x?)W. That's why we don't advice jumping from one R to another and it's doubly worst if the R started as an A.

I got the gist that your not D yourself? Maybe it's time you do the hard work and tie up your loose ends so that when he's done with his loose ends you'll both be ready to start a new slate together.

Shadow Word generated at Pimp-My-Profile.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2007
Thu, 06-25-2009 - 8:57pm

Hi Joan Jr:

My AP is still w his LTGF & they also have that proverbial bro-sis R, and he tells me ALL the time about leaving etc ... and I think I would like that, however...once that happens, I know his happiness will be my hands. He may make demands of me I will find hard to satisfy. I am a MW with an much old ailing H who does not keep close tabs on me, so really I am not free to complete his life with marriage etc.

If I were S however -- I think I would still feel as you do. I would not trust this chain of events. A hotel? Why is he not looking about for a more permanent abode? Or move in with you? It does sound temporary to me.

Part of the attraction of an A is in its mystery, its unavailability...parted lovers & all that, what could be more romantic? Once day to day living enters the scene, much of that disappears. You would have ALL of him & that would mean living with him.

One good thing: you have known this dude for 20 yrs & probably have an idea about him as to personality, interests, habits etc. J

All that said: give yrself a chance to get over the shock & think things thru. Do not rush into anything. Protect yr heart...hope it turns out good...Zero

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 06-26-2009 - 9:34am
it is better to be not happy.I went through something similar.I am SW and AP is MM.We got caught before the papers for his D went in.At first,the W threw him out,he moved in with me.i was sooo happy! that finally,we are together.But this didnt last long.he went back to her as she used the kids.MM gave in and now they are trying to rebuild with no success.I am still in the picture.MM an I are 'on' just like we were except that the W knows me now and we are very careful that she doesnt find out.We talk a lot about our situation ,give all the emotional support we can and have made one another a huge part of our lives.Our communication is at its best.
I would suggest,wait for few days and see how things progress as a D is much easier said than done.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Sat, 06-27-2009 - 8:40am
Well, I hope for your sake he is being sincere by doing this to prove his love for you. I would be there to support him because this is going to be a difficult thing for him to go through even if there is no love left to salvage between him and her. Just don't let your guard down, though, a lot of times a wife will decide to step up and do what it takes to be the perfect wife and that means doing the things that YOU do that makes him happy. For some men, that's what they've wanted all along, for their wives to treat them and do the things their AP's do for them because everything else is already there....the family, the history, the bills, the assets...things he doesn't have with you. Just be careful and good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2009
Sun, 08-02-2009 - 10:50am

Hi There,


I have waited a long time to be able to speak freely on this subject! I am so so in love with a married man ~ I was very happy to finally find a place where someone else had a man leave his wife too! They are all still waiting on all the forums! I am very sad for them all .....


My story goes like this... I met someone that I immediately connected with! He was gorgeous, full of life, funny, and mostly had this sparkle in his eyes whenever I saw him! He is a fishing captain and I love to fish!I