he found me after 10yrs

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2009
he found me after 10yrs
7
Sun, 08-30-2009 - 12:14am

we had a relationship 10 years ago; I'm married, he was single.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2009
Sun, 08-30-2009 - 1:11am
Maybe you are getting caught up in the excitement of it all. Take it easy, maybe you belong together but you've gotta make sure you are both on the same page.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 12:25pm
take a deep breath.
you are both giddy with the new found excitement of having discovered each other after a long time.
you may even feel some of those old, good feelings again.
BUT--be very careful you are not just basking in the glow from an old fire .
In order for things to work in the real world, you will need to make memories that are newer than that.
In other words, don't rely on how things used to be .
there must be a reason why you didn't wind up together 10 years ago.
This from me, the voice of experience......having fallen for the same man i fell for first, 37 years later I am still crazy about him......and, knowing all i know now after 8 years of an A with him, i'd say some was good and some was very painful.
going into it, there's no way you can predict if it will be worth it in the end.
often all we need is someone or something to distract us from our current unhappiness.
sometimes that is taking the easy way out.
if you go there, take it very slowly, and don't make all kinds of long term plans.
what's the rush anyway?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 5:04pm
Hi TJ,
Two things come to mind right away for me. 1) why and how did it end? 2) why has he been divorced twice?
He may have changed since you've been together AND remember in an A we have all the "fun" but not the baggage. I would go very slow with this, realize you are on a high right now from just rediscovering each other and see what happens. Do not make any rash decisions. Lastly, can I tell you how much I hate the "I'm busy" excuse? He may very well be, but he had more time before you before, right?
Good luck with what you decide and let us know how you make out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 7:46pm

His first marriage was very short, 5 years after we parted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 8:08pm

TJ,
I feel bad that you are so unhappy in your marriage. It must be an awful thing to pretend and put a smile on your face when you are feeling like that. The only advice I can give you is to take it slow, talk things out and see how and where it goes. You dont want to do something drastic only to have it backfire. Also, if you leave your M, you should do it because you are ready and want to, not because of the MM. If you are getting red flags, look closely at what is happening and why you feel it.
I can understand you feeling this is meant to be since he found you after 10 years. JMO, take it slow, see how he acts, as action speaks louder than words. Go with your GUT, not your heart. If after a time you see things are going well and know this is what you both truly want, then that would be a time to reevaluate your life and see what is best for YOU and also children if there are any involved.
I can't tell you why he does things as I do not know him. Only you do. If he does something that rubs you the wrong way, don't make excuses for it. This is the best advice I can give. I hope things work out for you.

If

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2009
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 8:58pm

There are children involved; 3 young ones on his end that are with him and my 3; one out of college, one graduating hs this year and one in highschool.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 6:00pm

I've had a similar situation. My SO dropped me in an instant for a man she hadn't seen in 15 years. He got a couple drinks in her, ran his game, used her, ruined our lives, and left. IMO this "perfect man from 10 years ago" is looking to do the same thing. You're a convenient receptacle for his penis. Do NOT fall into that trap! It's bad enough when you're single and get used, don't hurt an innocent person (even if